


Just In the Nick of Time

by alllove



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29450118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alllove/pseuds/alllove
Summary: When the reader gets a call telling her to break up with the love of her life, will she do it? What if it's to save his?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

You opened your eyes after an amazing nap, considering you were on a plane back from a case. Granted you were sleeping on Spencer who was still deep in his dreams. You stared at him for a few seconds, brushing a curl out of his face, and then kissing his cheek before getting up to go to the bathroom. 

When you came back you found Spencer reading a book. “Hey, you woke up,” you said. 

“Yeah, I felt a pressure lift off of me and I woke up to see where you went,” he replied. 

“Just a bathroom break. Whatcha readin’?”

“Quantum physics.”

“Ah my favorite kind of physics. Read to me?” You asked as you laughed. You sat back down as he put his arm around you, reading the contents of his book aloud. You buried your face in his chest, trying to get a little more sleep in before landing. His scent instantly calmed you and it wasn’t long before you were fast asleep. 

***

Once you all landed, you and Spencer hopped in the car to head back to your shared apartment. You bid the rest of the team farewell and were off. 

After getting back to the apartment you unloaded the trunk with your stuff. “You go ahead, I’ll check the mail and be up soon.” You said as Spencer grabbed the bags and headed up the steps. 

You opened the mailbox corresponding to your apartment and found some bills and junk. You also found a letter in a white envelope with your name scribbled across it. You checked to see that Spencer had already turned the corner upstairs and opened the letter. 

Your heart dropped when you saw what it had written on it. 

‘Break up or he’s dead.’

That’s it. No signature, no symbol, nothing. You shoved the envelope in your pocket and took the rest upstairs. 

When you entered the apartment, you could already smell the peppermint green tea Spencer was preparing. The two of you often liked to sit down and relax with some tea, watching some of your favorite tv shows. 

You gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading to the bedroom. You put the letter in a drawer on your side of the bed, and quickly jumped in the shower. 

Once you came back you could see Spencer had set up some candles and blankets for the two of you. 

“I thought we could just sit and talk tonight,” he said. 

“Spence,” you said, nearly tearing up from the effort he put in to setting up the room, “that sounds perfect.” You sat down and sipped the tea he had prepared for you. 

“How you feelin’?” You asked him. “You know, about the case.”

“Oh. Good, I guess. I’m glad we got there in time,” he said quietly. 

“Me too.” You leaned against him, snuggling between his arm and the couch. The two of you just sat there for a moment. 

After a minute, you turned to face him, tracing his jawline with your thumb. “Spence,” you whispered. Your eyes flickered between both of his as he turned to face you. Your gaze shifted to his lips as you ran your thumb across them. 

“Yeah?” He whispered in return. 

“Nothing, just… thank you,” you said, your voice still a whisper. 

“For what?” He asked, stroking your hair. 

“For being you. For being there for me.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that. I’m always gonna be there for you, no matter what,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

You rested your head against his chest again and thought about what he said. Always gonna be there for you, no matter what. Always, no matter what. Always. Your head started spinning as you remembered the envelope in your drawer. 

You didn’t want to think about that right now. You just wanted to stay here, with Spencer. You closed your eyes, resting your hand on his chest, feeling it rise and fall with his every breath. 

***

You grabbed the letter from you drawer and shoved it in your pocket before heading out of the bedroom, calling for Spencer so you wouldn’t be late. 

“Coming!” He yelled back. 

You went downstairs and started the car, him running up to the car before you could bring it to the door. 

“What’s the rush?” He asked as he got in the car. 

“We’re gonna be late.”

“Oh, come on. Being late is worth it if it means I get to look at you a little longer,” he said, looking into your eyes. 

You gave him a smile as tears started to well in your eyes. You blinked them away and kissed him on the cheek before buckling up. 

***

When you arrived at the BAU, the first thing you did was drop your bag and run to Garcia. 

“Hey Penelope, I need you to analyze something for me,” you said hurriedly. 

“Anything my sweet,” she said. 

You handed her the envelope with your name scribbled across. “I just need you to check if you can find a match to this handwriting somewhere in the database.”

“Sure, give me a second…” she said, her fingers flying over the keyboard. 

An empty box showing 0/0 entries popped up on the screen. “Sorry, honey.”

“That’s okay,” you said as your heart dropped. “Thanks anyway.”

You went to exit the room but stopped when Garcia started speaking again. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Of course,” you said with a nod and a smile. 

You walked back to your desk to find a cup of coffee waiting for you. You looked at Spencer and smiled, sitting down and taking a sip. The phone at your desk rang and you picked it up. 

“Y/L/N,” you said. 

“Was I not clear?” A voice said on the other side. You choked on your coffee and spit it out. 

“Who is this?”

“That’s not your concern. Break up or he’s dead. I won’t ask again. You have 12 hours.”

“Wait!” You yelled, but they had already hung up. 

“What was that about?” Spencer asked you. 

“Nothing. Just some telemarketer,” you mumbled. You continued doing your paperwork until JJ walked by telling you that you had a case. 

***

You all filed into the conference room with JJ and Garcia standing at the head of the room near the TV. Spencer sat next to you just like he always did, giving you a small smile. 

“Okay, four victims in four weeks. All of them are women in committed relationships, age mid-twenties to early thirties,” JJ said. 

“They were all geographically located right around this part of Maryland,” Garcia said point to a map. 

“Committed?” Morgan asked. 

“Yes, two were married, one was engaged, and the other had been in a 4 year relationship at the time of death,” JJ answered. 

“Okay, so, we should look into ex-boyfriends for each of the victims,” Rossi asked, flipping through the file. 

“Typically, the ex-boyfriend would have to be the same for all of them. Situations like these don’t often call for more than one unsub, especially when it’s related to sex and power. In fact, having teammates or multiple unsubs in this situation would be unlikely since each unsub would have a need to overpower the other. See, they wouldn’t just be in competition with these women’s partners, they’d also be in competition with each other which would render their entire scheme useless,” Spencer said. 

“Okay so the unsub needs to be a common ex for all four women, and they must be around their age as well,” you said. 

We’re expected in Baltimore within the hour. We can discuss it more when we get to their police headquarters,” Hotch said. 

You all grabbed your case files and headed out of the room. You were given 10 minutes to gather your things and meet out front. 

You all piled into two separate cars and were on your way to the Baltimore police headquarters. As you looked over the case file in the car, your mind started to wander. You had gotten that call around 9:30am and you had twelve hours. It had been about 2 already, and you had no clue how. You didn’t know how to do what the person told you to. How were you supposed to break up with him like that? How were you supposed to break him beyond repair, and then explain that it’s for his safety? How were you supposed to live with yourself after it was done?

As you were deep in thought, Spencer turned to you and looked you up and down for a second before speaking. “You okay? You seem… distracted,” he said. You could hear the concern in his voice. 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I mean no. I mean, yes I’m okay,” you said, getting flustered. You stared at your file longer, not looking up. It wasn’t until he reached out to put his hand on yours that you turned to face him. You smiled at him and then moved your hand out from under his, flipping through the file again. 

Once you got to the headquarters, Hotch assigned everyone to their jobs. You and Emily were supposed to go talk to the first victim’s husband. Rossi and JJ were going to the second. Morgan and Reid to the third, and Hotch was staying behind to talk to the fourth’s who was coming to the station. 

***

You all reconvened about 4 hours later after speaking to the families and checking the houses for any signs of struggle or clues. It wasn’t long before Hotch told everyone to grab some sleep today because tomorrow seemed like a long one. 

***

At the hotel, JJ grabbed a key for her and Emily while Morgan grabbed one for himself, and Hotch grabbed one for him and Rossi. Spencer grabbed one for the two of you and whispered something to the desk attendant that you couldn’t quite make out. 

***

By now you knew it had been seven hours and forty-two minutes since you received that call. Time was running out and you still didn’t know what to do. 

“Wanna go for a walk? It might be nice to get some fresh air,” Spencer suggested. 

“Sure, that sounds nice,” you replied. 

***

You walked next to Spencer, the cold air hitting both of you. He reached out and laced your fingers together. You smiled at him and then took a deep breath. 

“Okay, what’s bothering you,” he asked. 

“Nothing.”

“Come on. Talk to me,” he pushed. 

“Nothing’s wrong Spence. How could anything be wrong when I’m with you?” You asked. 

“Aww. But seriously, what is it? Your eyes keep shifting to the right. That’s what you do when you’re lying,” he said. 

You sighed and stopped walking, turning to face him. “Of course you know that. Okay, fine. I got a letter yesterday. It didn’t have anything on it, no name no signature, not even a symbol,” you started. But before you could finish you heard something whizz past your year, right through both of your heads. 

“DOWN!” You yelled, shoving Spencer to the ground as you moved to find cover, drawing your guns. You ran around to the side of the building, the two of you now pressed against the wall. You moved to turn the corner when you felt something pushing you back to the wall. Spencer had put his arm around you, stopping you from moving into the line of fire. 

You looked up at him and he shook his head. He inched closer and closer to the corner before poking his own head out. A shot fired, as he ducked back behind the wall. 

Much to both of your dismay, he hadn’t moved fast enough. The bullet had grazed his temple as he started bleeding. 

“Oh my god, Spencer,” you exhaled, immediately going to try to stop the bleeding. 

“I’m fine. Don’t move or they might get you too,” he said. 

You nodded your head and said, “Let me check this time.”

You switched spots with him, putting you closer to the corner of the wall. You poked your head around the corner, expecting to see someone or to hear a shot being fired. But there was nothing. You signaled to Spencer as the two of you walked the perimeter of the building to see any sign of the shooter. When you reached the entrance together you shook your heads, put your guns away, and headed back to your room. 

***

Spencer sat on the bed as you went to grab a first aid kit. He was extremely lucky that it was just a graze and not something more. 

As you used rubbing alcohol on his wound, he winced. “Sorry,” you whispered. 

“It’s okay,” his whispered back. 

He inhaled sharply all of a sudden and you just, broke. Tears started rolling down your face with no control. You tried to hide it and push through, bandaging his head. 

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Spencer said holding your shaking hands. “I’m okay, I promise. It’s nothing.”

“I know, I just… I thought about what would’ve happened if it was worse,” you said sniffling. 

“Come here,” he said, pulling you into his chest, his arms around you, rubbing your back. You silently sobbed into his chest as he tightened his grip on you. He stroked your hair and kissed your head before you pulled away. 

“I love you,” you whispered. 

“I love you too,” he said before wiping away your tears and kissing you. “How about you go for a shower and I’ll see what we can do about room service,” he suggested. 

“Okay,” you said, kissing him again and then heading to the bathroom. 

***

When you came out of the shower in your towel, you peeked into the main room. You didn’t see much before you were caught, and Spencer rushed over to you. 

“And what exactly do you think you’re doing?” He asked. 

“Furthering my knowledge on the properties of this room,” you said confidently. 

“No peeking,” he said, smirking. 

“Does that go for me and room only, or…” you said, lowering your towel just a little bit. 

Spencer grabbed your waist, yanked you closer to him, and smashed his lips onto yours. Your eyes fluttered as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He moved further down to your neck, kissing you right under jaw, getting a small moan to escape from your mouth. He worked his way down to your collar bone and then down to just above where the towel ended. He pulled away, and whispered right next to your ear saying, “peek again and I’ll do a lot worse than this.” He smiled at you and walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. 

You shook your head and changed into shorts and an old t-shirt Spencer had given you. 

It was another 10 minutes before Spencer knocked on the door. You opened the door and looked at him. “Pull that again and I’ll do a lot worse to you,” you said with a pout on your face. 

“I’d like to see you try,” he chuckled. “Close your eyes.”

You squinted your eyes at him for a second before closing them. You felt his hand take yours as he led you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He let go once he had placed you where he wanted, moving his hands to your shoulders now as he stood behind you. 

“Open,” he whispered as your eyes fluttered open. Your heart skipped a beat, as you gazed at the room in front of you. Candles were lit in what must have been every corner of the room, rose petals flooded the bed, and on the table off to the side was the biggest spread of fancy food you had ever seen. You turned to face Spencer; your mouth slightly agape. 

“Happy Anniversary,” he said, looking at you. 

“Spence…” you said. “It’s not our anniversary.”

“I know. But we were on a cutthroat case when it was. So, I thought I’d do something special for you here,” he said, laughing. 

You laughed at yourself, feeling a little silly now. “Happy Anniversary,” you said. You cupped his face with your hands and kissed him. He grabbed your face with his hands and kissed you back. You leaned into the kiss, moving your arms to wrap around his neck as his slid down to your waist. 

As the kiss heated up, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of worry. As if on cue, your phone started to ring. You broke away from Spencer and gave him an ‘I’m sorry’ look before walking to get your phone. 

You picked up and said, “Hello?”

“Was I not clear, Agent? Was my aim not precise enough for you? No tipping the Doctor off to our little… arrangement. Or I’ll make sure the next shot is deadly.”

“No,” you whispered. 

“You have only a few hours remaining. My next shot won’t miss.”

The line went dead. You checked your phone for the time. 7:47pm. You had just under two hours left to do what they had demanded. 

“Who was that?” Spencer asked, coming up and wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

“No one,” you said turning to face him. You made sure to keep your eyes on him the whole time, fighting your natural instinct to shift your gaze to the right. 

Spencer stared at you for a moment as if trying to read your expression. “Okay,” he said, eventually. He kissed your forehead before pulling you in for a hug. 

You wrapped your arms around him, breathing in his scent, a single tear rolling down your cheek. 

“Oh, I meant to ask. What about that envelope you were talking about?” He asked. 

You pulled away from him and lied. “Oh, it was a, um, a wedding invitation from my friend. What a weird invite right.”

“Yeah. Is that what you were trying to do earlier? Ask me if I’d take you to the wedding?” He asked. 

You saw your opportunity. Spencer had handed it to you on a silver platter. You didn’t want to take it. You didn’t want to break your heart and his. You pulled away and looked at him, your hand reaching up to touch his bandage. You took a deep breath and did what you had to do. 

“Actually, no. I, um, the opposite,” you said. 

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process what you meant by that. 

“You mean, you wanted to ask me if I wouldn’t take you to the wedding?” He asked. 

“No, um, I… I mean I was going to, tell you that I think we shouldn’t go… together,” you said. 

“Why not? You’re worried about your family?” He asked. 

“No, Spence, I just…” 

“Then what? I mean if you don’t want me to go, I won’t. I just don’t want it to be because of something we can work through together,” he said. 

You backed away from him, facing the opposite wall. 

“I think we should break up,” you whispered. 

“What?” He gasped in shock. 

“I think we should break up,” you said again, louder this time. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Spence I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry,” you said. 

“No, you can’t do that. You don’t get to drop this and leave,” he said as you tried to bolt for the door. 

You tried to blink back the tears, before turning to face him. 

“What is going on Y/N? Where is this coming from?” He asked. You could hear the hurt in his voice, and it broke your heart. 

“It’s this, Spence, it’s us,” you said as a tear rolled down your cheek. 

“What do you mean? Did I do something? We can talk about it, Y/N, please talk to me,” he pleaded. 

“No, Spence, it wasn’t you,” you said, immediately shutting down any prospect of him doing something wrong. “It’s, it’s me. I…” you started. And then you said the first thing that popped into your head, but it was the last think you would’ve ever done to him. “I cheated on you,” you whispered. 

“What?” He whispered. 

“I’m sorry, Spence, I’m so sorry,” you said. 

“When?” He asked, his tone a lot firmer now. 

“A few months ago,” you mumbled. “I was at a bar, I got drunk and it just happened. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. We can, we can fix this,” He said. A tear streamed down your face. Even after hearing this he still loved you. A part of you was so happy that he still wanted to be with you, but another part of you knew that wouldn’t satisfy the mysterious person. Your heart broke knowing you had to hurt him more. 

“I kept seeing him,” you whispered, taking a big gulp. “After that night, I kept seeing him.”

You heard a gasp escape Spencer’s lips. 

“How long?” He asked again, strongly. 

“6 months,” you whispered. 

“Are you kidding me Y/N? 6 months?” He asked loudly. 

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

“6 months. 6 freaking months. I mean, how do you expect me to be okay with that?”

“I don’t. You have every right to be angry,” you said in a small voice. 

“Every right to be angry. I mean, did this even mean anything to you? Did I even mean anything?” He asked. 

“Don’t say that. Of course you mean something to me, Spence. I love you!” 

“No. Because if you loved me you wouldn’t have done this,” he mumbled. 

“I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

“Then why Y/N? Hmm? Why?”

You couldn’t tell him the truth. Not if you wanted him to be safe. “I don’t know. I was drunk, I…”

“No. You were drunk when it first happened. Why did you keep seeing him? Was I not enough for you?” 

Him saying that broke your heart. He was all you ever wanted; he was more than enough. He is more than enough. That’s when it hit you. A small but powerful thing you could say to hurt him. Something only he would pick up on. 

“Of course you were enough,” you said. You saw his heart shatter behind his eyes. 

“Past tense,” he said, chuckling. He couldn’t even look at you anymore. He ran his hand through his hair, laughing at the whole thing. 

You stared at your feet, biting your lip. 

“I’ll pack my things,” you said. 

“No. You, you stay. I’ll pack mine, move in with Derek. I’ll throw up if I stay here any longer,” he said, immediately grabbing his things. 

“I’m sorry,” you said again. Spencer ignored you. He threw his clothes into his bag, grabbed his stuff from the bathroom, and headed out the door without a second thought. 

You watched him walk down the hall to Morgan’s room. You saw Derek attempt to pull Spencer into a hug, but Spencer just pushed past him. Derek stuck his head out the doorway, looking at you. You bit your lip again, tears rolling down your face. Morgan ducked back into his own room and you lingered in your doorway for a minute. 

You reentered your room, looked around and just collapsed onto the floor in a fit of sobs. You looked at the rose petals, the food, the candles. It was all just too much for you. You slid down the door, your back still against it. Your hands covered your mouth in an attempt to silence your sobs. You put your head between your knees and cried. 

Your phone rang again, and you crawled to reach for it. You answered it with a teary “Hello.” 

“Just in the nick of time.”

“Why are you doing this?” You cried. 

The person on the other side of the call scoffed. 

“All in due time.”

“You’re sick,” you said, an anger filling you. 

“Maybe. But now you’re single. Worth it.”

You hung up and threw your phone across the room as the tears started to fall again. You couldn’t tell if they were angry or sad or frustrated, but they were there. You turned to look at the clock on the table. 9:27pm. Just in the nick of time. You closed your eyes as you began to sob again, not moving for the next 12 hours, and not sleeping either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's the next part. Enjoy :)

You looked at the clock. 8:52am. You crawled to pick up your phone. You saw a text from Hotch saying to meet in the lobby at 9:15am. You pulled the note out of your pocket, staring at it as a tear hit the paper. You crumpled it up and shoved it back into your pocket. 

You sat on the floor, back still against the door. You weren’t crying anymore. No, you were all cried out. You were heartbroken now. You just stared into space as you had been doing for the last couple of hours. 

You picked yourself up and made your way to the bathroom. God you looked like hell. You washed your face, brushed your hair, and changed out of your pajamas which you just remembered belonged to Spencer. 

You stifled back some tears as you put the clothes into your bag, his scent still lingering. 

You grabbed what you needed and headed out the door. 

As you stepped out, JJ and Emily caught up to you. 

“Morning Y/N,” Emily said. 

“Ooh were those rose petals I saw on the bed?” JJ asked with excitement. 

“Oh,” you chuckled. But you didn’t say anything more. In all honesty you had no idea how Spencer wanted to handle this, but you felt you owed him at least that much. You decided you’d just go along with whatever he said, no matter how bad you looked or how much it hurt. 

***

When you got down to the lobby you were surprised to find Spencer looking the way he did. He was so put together, wearing a sweater vest, your favorite sweater vest, over a dress shirt. His hair wasn’t the mess you were used to looking at in the morning. He stood next to Derek, flipping through the case file. 

It took everything in you not to break down crying in front of everyone. Instead, you just headed to a different corner and opened you own file. 

It wasn’t long before Hotch arrived. He briefed you all on the plan of attack for the day. 

“Morgan I want you to talk to the police chief and work with her to see if these murders match any unsolved ones from the past. JJ and Emily speak to the families again. We need them to tell us everything and they were in too much shock yesterday. Rossi and I will visit the houses again with a fresh pair of eyes. Reid, I want you and Y/L/N to go to the dump site and see what you can find,” Hotch directed. 

“I’d rather not,” Spencer said. The whole room turned to face him as you stared at the floor. 

“Is something wrong Reid?” Hotch asked. 

“No, I…” he started, lifting his head to look at you. “I’d just rather not work with Y/L/N right now.”

“I need you to focus right now, Reid. Your expertise are needed with hers,” Hotch said. 

You lifted your head to look at him. “It’s okay. You want him at the dump site for the scientific analysis, right? I can do that myself, he can go with Morgan or something,” you said. 

Hotch looked at you and then again at Spencer. “Fine. Reid go to the police chief. Morgan, you go with Y/L/N.”

As everyone started to break you ran over to Spencer. “Spence,” you started. 

“Don’t call me that,” he said sharply. 

“Sorry. Spencer, can we talk?” You asked. 

“Don’t. Don’t call me that either. Just don’t talk to me right now,” he said, walking away from you. 

“Spence, wait!” You called after him. 

He turned to face you, his arms thrown up in the air. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. 

“I don’t care, Y/N. And for the las time don’t call me that. It’s Reid to you.”

Your heart shattered as he turned and walked away from you. 

You picked at your fingernails, staring at the ground, blinking away the tears. You took a deep breath and walked out the door, jumping into the car with Morgan. 

***

The two of you rode in silence for a while. It wasn’t until you were stopped at a traffic light that Derek turned to you and said one word. “Why?”

“What?” You asked. 

“Why’d you do it? Why to him?” Derek asked. You could hear the sadness in his voice. It was as if you had ‘cheated’ on him personally. 

“Derek, look, I…” you started. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“I don’t care Y/N. How could you do that to him? You know how much he loved you,” he said. Loved. Derek said loved. Your heart stopped beating. 

You took a shaky breath and turned to face him. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand why I did what I did. But you have to trust me when I say I had no choice.”

Derek just shook his head at you and continued driving. 

***

When you reached the dump site, you grabbed a pair of gloves and put them on. You walked around the place. It was field that the unsub had decided to dump the bodies in. You took one lap around, then another, and another. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but the placement of where the bodies had been found was almost methodical. 

“See anything?” Morgan asked you. 

“There’s something strange about how the bodies were placed. It’s almost like they were shaped in some sort of way. It’s almost a parallelogram, but there’s a spot here that looks like it’s marked,” you said as he headed over to you. 

“Hmm, you’re right. See any other evidence?”

“No, whoever did this knows what they’re doing. This place is as clean as a field can be,” you said. You pulled out a pen and paper from your pocket. You drew the shape of where the bodies were placed, including the marked spot even though a body was never found there. 

You and Derek took one last look around before getting back in the car and heading back to the police headquarters. 

***

Morgan parked the car as you took a deep breath, readying yourself to see Spencer again. Derek turned to face you and gave you a small smile. You honestly couldn’t have asked for much more. 

You gathered yourself and opened the car door prepared to face what was inside. 

You walked into the briefing room, Morgan right behind you. You stopped in your tracks when you saw Spencer and the police chief looking at pictures. 

Something about the way they were looking at the pictures made you uncomfortable. It took you clearing your throat and coughing before they looked up. 

“Oh, hi there. I’m Ella Jarvis, police chief. I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting yet,” the police captain said, extending her hand. 

“Hi, I’m Agent Y/N Y/L/N with the BAU. This is Agent Derek Morgan,” you said pointing behind you and then shaking her hand. 

“Oh, right. Dr. Reid mentioned you, Derek,” Ella said. 

You bit your lip and shifted yourself over so she could shake Derek’s hand. 

“Pleasure to meet you. You guys find anything?” Derek asked. 

“Not really, but the unsub seems to be extremely organized. Nothing they do is done by accident,” Spencer said. 

“We saw the same thing. The victims were in a field-,” you said before being cut off. 

“Derek what did you find?” Spencer asked, looking straight past you. 

“Uh,” Derek said, not knowing how to address the fact that Reid had just cut you off in the middle of your explanation. “Yeah, we, uh, we found the same thing. The bodies were in a very organized pattern. It looked like a parallelogram but we’re not sure what it means yet.”

“Call Hotch and see if he found anything. Ella and I will look through these pictures and see if we find any parallelograms in them,” Spencer said. 

Derek walked out of the room, dialing Hotch’s number on his phone. You walked around to the other side of the table that the pictures were on. Ella and Spencer were already laughing about something else. You reached for a picture when you were startled. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Spencer asked you. 

“I’m helping you look for a pattern,” you said. 

“Go help Morgan,” Reid commanded. 

“It doesn’t take two people to make a phone call Reid,” you said firmly. 

“No but it does take two people to cheat,” he said under his breath. 

You lifted your head to look at him, an anger behind your eyes. You were met with a cold expression, very different from what you were used to. 

You stayed looking at him for a second before you let go of the picture and walked out of the room. As you left, you turned around to look at Spencer again, only to find him and Ella laughing once more, his hand on her back. 

You took a breath, turned back, and continued walking. 

You walked outside just as Morgan was getting off the phone. “Hey, what did Hotch say?” 

“They got some information from the spouses this time. It seems like they had all received threats in the form of letters and phone calls in the days leading up to the murders but they never took them seriously,” he said. 

Your head started spinning. Notes. Calls. Threats. It sounded and awful lot like what had happened to you. But still, you didn’t want to get your hopes up. 

“You okay?” Derek asked. 

“Yeah sorry. I just… nothing,” you said. 

“Okay,” he said giving you a suspicious look. “Well, Hotch and Rossi will be back in a couple minutes and JJ and Emily should be back any second.”

“Okay. I’ll wait here for them then and you can go help Spe- I mean, Reid.”

“Yeah. Good idea,” Derek said, walking away. 

You wiped the tear that had rolled down your face and waited maybe one minute before JJ and Emily got there. 

“Hey, what did you guys find?” You asked. 

“Well all the spouses had gotten letters and calls with threats to the women’s lives,” Emily said. 

“Right but they didn’t think anything of it right?” You asked. 

“No, they thought it was a prank each time,” JJ said. 

“Do we have a copy of their letters?” You asked. 

“Yeah, Garcia’s running it through the system right now,” Emily said. 

“Okay. Reid and Morgan are in the conference room with the police chief. I’ll wait for Hotch and Rossi while I make a quick call,” you said turning around and heading back outside. 

***

Once outside your brought out your phone, dialing Garcia. 

“Hey Garcia, I need a favor,” you said. 

“What can I do you for precious?”

“Do you still have that handwriting sample I gave you?”

“Yes it’s on the computer.”

“Great. Can you compare it to the handwriting on the letters you’re running for the spouses?” You asked. 

“Absolutely I can, I will hit you back when I have something,” she replied. 

“Thanks, you’re the best,” you said, 

“All in a day’s work my love.”

You hung up the phone and put it back in your pocket. You felt something off. There was no piece of paper in your pocket anymore. 

You frantically took off your jacket and searched every pocket for the note you had received. You ran your fingers through your hair when it was nowhere to be found. Your breathing became heavy and shaky. If Hotch and Rossi hadn’t showed up when they did, you probably would’ve spiraled. 

“Hey where is everyone?” Hotch asked, entering the building. You just pointed to the conference room at the back. 

“You okay?” Rossi asked, putting his hand on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, I just need a minute. I’ll meet you in there,” you said, putting one hand on your chest as if to stop your heart from beating so fast. 

***

Once you had calmed down, you went back to the conference room to find everyone already there. 

“So we need to be on the lookout for this level of organization,” Hotch said. 

You slipped into the corner at the back. Once everyone dispersed, Hotch walked over to you. 

“You missed the briefing. Something wrong?” He asked you. 

“I’m sorry I just needed a second,” you said. 

Hotch nodded his head. “Reid,” he said not taking his eyes off of you. “Catch her up on what we covered.”

“Oh I’d rather not. Can’t Morgan or Prentiss-,” Spencer argued. 

“Now,” Hotch commanded. 

Spencer walked back into the conference room and looked at you. 

“The victims were laid in a shape, but we don’t know what it means. The spouses had all received letters with threats on them, then two phone calls but they never took them seriously. The houses showed no sign of struggle and every family seemed like the perfect average one,” Spencer said. 

“Do we know the cause of death yet?” You asked. 

“No.”

“Okay. Hey, what’s going on with you and Ella?” You asked. 

“Nothing. We’re working. Besides, it’s none of your business,” he said. 

“Okay I was just-,” you started. 

“No Y/N. You don’t get to ask me things like this. You cheated on me, remember?” He said, getting louder with every word. 

“I know, I’m sorry. But do you think this has only been hard for you?

“Well, some of us don’t have another boyfriend to run off to, so yeah. I do.”

You bit your lip. You couldn’t blame him for being this way. He didn’t know the cheating story wasn’t true. 

You hung your head as he scoffed and walked away. 

***

The day had gone by so quickly that none of you noticed. Before you knew it Hotch was ordering everyone to get some sleep again. 

You pulled your room key out of your pocket, looking at Spencer from afar. You bit your lip and headed to your room alone. 

Once you walked in, your senses were overwhelmed. You had forgotten about the rose petals, the scent of the candles, the scent of Spencer. You fell to the ground, crying for the first time that day. 

It wasn’t until JJ knocked on your door that you pulled yourself together to answer the door. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“Hey, you okay?” JJ asked, noticing your puffy eyes. 

“Oh, yeah. No big deal,” you said. 

“Okay. Where’s Spencer?” She asked. 

“Oh, um, he’s with Morgan.”

“Oh okay. Did something happen or…”

“We, um, we kind of broke up last night,” you said. 

“Oh god Y/N I’m so sorry,” JJ said pulling you into a hug. 

You wrapped your arms around her, but only just. The thought was nice but you honestly didn’t want hugs right now. At least, not from anyone that wasn’t Spencer. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. He probably needs you more,” you said, wiping a tear from your eye. She gave you another hug and then left, her hand squeezing your shoulder on her way. 

You shut the door behind her and walked to the bathroom. While taking off your makeup you heard another knock. 

You opened the door to find Derek there. He didn’t even ask for your permission before he entered your room. 

“Derek, what are you doing here?” You asked. 

“JJ’s talking to Reid, so I thought this was as good a time as any,” he said. 

“As good a time as any for what?”

“For telling you I know you didn’t cheat on him,” he said. 

Your eyes widened. “What?”

“I know you didn’t cheat on him Y/N.”

“What are you talking about Morgan?”

“I found your note. You dropped it in the dump site field,” he said, holding up the same note he was referring to. 

Your stomach dropped. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked. 

You looked at him for a second, a tear rolling down your face. “Because if I did then they’d kill him,” you whispered. 

Derek pulled you into a hug. You didn’t really want his hug either but there was something about him knowing the truth that made you actually hug him back. 

He pulled away from your, his hands still on your shoulders. “Tell me everything.”

The two of you sat on the bed as you went through the motions of what happened between you and Spencer. You told him about the note, the calls, the walk, the breakup, all of it. 

When it was all over you were in shambles, Derek rubbing your back as you cried to yourself. 

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he said. 

“It’s okay. I did it to protect him and that’s more important to me than how I feel,” you said. 

“But it shouldn’t be.”

“But it is, Derek. I mean, I love him. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And if I could go back in time, I’d make the same choice all over again. I’d go through the heartbreak and pain and arguments if it meant he’d live.”

A tear rolled down your cheek as you sniffled, wiping the tear away. Derek pulled you into another hug and kissed your head. 

“Who knows?” He asked. 

“About the breakup?”

“Yeah,” he said. 

“You. JJ. I don’t know who else.”

“Do you want them to know? The others?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to have that conversation but it’s inevitable.”

“I’ll see what I can do if they pry,” Derek said. 

“Thanks,” you said giving him a small smile. 

The two of you walked to the door and he gave you another hug before leaving. 

Once he’d left, you shut your door, hoping you wouldn’t be interrupted again that night. 

You headed back to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You looked at your bag, remembering the shirt you had worn the night before. Spencer’s shirt. You grabbed it out of your bag and readied it for wearing after your shower. 

Once you were ready for bed, you looked around the room. You didn’t have the heart to remove the set up but you also didn’t have the heart to sleep in that bed either. 

You grabbed your bag and set it on the floor, wrapping yourself with a jacket on top. You closed your eyes as you tried to fall asleep. 

***

You opened your eyes and turned around. You saw Spencer and his mess of curls. Even though his hair was on the shorter side it was still tangled in the morning. You smirked at his face, brushing a curl out of his eye. 

You ran your fingers across his bandage. His hair covered it from everyone else and he hadn’t mentioned it. You kissed him softly as he started to stir. 

Something felt wrong. You looked at him more intensely as you noticed a pool of blood forming under his bandage. 

You tried to shake him awake, put pressure on the wound, find your phone to call 911, but nothing worked. You opened your mouth to scream but nothing came out. 

***

Your eyes shot open. You could feel the sweat dripping down your forehead. You checked your phone for the time. 3:52am. You got up to go to the bathroom. 

You rinsed your face with cold water, wiping away the excess. You stared at yourself in the mirror and then went back to the main room, grabbed your phone and your key, and walked out the door. 

You decided a late-night stroll might help you to calm down. You turned right out of your room and headed down the hallway. You got to Derek and Spencer’s room before you stopped. You wanted to knock so badly, even if it was just to see him. But you didn’t. 

You kept walking until you hit a T, again choosing to go right. You stared at your feet as you shuffled along the hall. You didn’t even notice the person turning the corner before they bumped into you. 

“Sorry,” they mumbled. 

“No, it’s my bad,” you said. 

You looked up to face them, shocked when you saw Spencer’s face. 

“What are you doing up?” You asked him. 

“Not that it’s your business, but I couldn’t sleep.”

“Bad dream?”

“Yeah, I decided to take a walk because-,”

“-they help you clear your mind,” you finished for him. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked him. 

Spencer just looked at you with his lips pursed. His eyes started to well with tears. 

You looked at him, your eyes flickering between his. You wanted to give him a hug more than anything. Something, anything to take away his pain. You hesitantly outstretched your arms, not entirely sure what would happen. 

For a second you feared you’d made a horrible mistake, but just when you were about to recoil your arms, Spencer fell into them. 

He cried into your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back. 

“I know, I know, shh…” you whispered as he cried. 

He gripped you tighter, as if checking to see whether you were real. You stayed like that for a minute or two, and you savored every moment. You breathed in his scent after such a long time. You ran your fingers through his hair, you felt his heartbeat against your chest. You didn’t want the moment to end. But it did. 

Spencer pulled away from you, looking you up and down. He frowned and asked, “wait why are you awake?”

“Oh, um, I couldn’t sleep either,” you said. 

“Bad dream?” He whispered. 

You nodded your head and he thought for a moment, but eventually he pulled you into a hug again. This time, you were the one sobbing into his chest as he stroked your hair, kissing your head. 

You pulled away this time, looking in his beautiful brown eyes, tears streaming down your face. Spencer cupped your face, staring at it for a moment, wiping away the tears. You held your breath, closed your eyes, and leaned in for a tear-filled kiss and he returned it. It was soft yet passionate, oh how you missed kissing him. It tasted salty, but neither of you had any idea whose tears it was from, and you didn’t care. 

When you pulled away, Spencer stayed cupping your face, your hands on his wrists. He stared at you for a second before a colder expression came across his face. His hands fell and he started walking back to his room. 

You watched him walk away and it felt like your heart was breaking all over again. 

He stopped in his tracks and for a second you thought he might come back. But he didn’t turn around, he just angled his head towards the ground. “You can keep the shirt by the way.”

You looked down at your shirt. You had forgotten you were wearing it. 

By the time you looked back up, he was gone. 

***

The next morning, everyone met in the lobby again. When you arrived you looked around for Spencer. When you finally found him, your stomach flipped. He was talking to Ella who, apparently, decided that it was important for her to drive from the precinct to the hotel, and then back to the precinct with the rest of the team. 

You watched as Spencer handed her a cup of coffee with about as much sugar as he liked. Ella kissed him on the cheek and your heart dropped. You knew it was probably innocent but you still couldn’t help it. 

Derek walked over to you, handing you a cup of coffee and watching them with you. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Fine.”

“Y/N,” Derek started. 

“I’m fine, Morgan. I have no right to be upset,” you said. 

Your phone rang and so you ducked into a different corner to take the call. 

“Hey Pen, what’s up?” You asked. 

“Good morning lovely. I ran the handwriting through the database, and it didn’t match but it did match the one from your note,” she said. 

You didn’t know what to say. 

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here. Thanks for the info,” you said before hanging up. 

You walked back over to Derek, still in shock. 

“What?” He asked. 

“The handwriting, from the letters the spouses got. It’s not in the database,” you said. 

“Damn it,” he said under his breath. 

“There’s more,” you said as Derek raised an eyebrow. “It matches the handwriting on the note I got.”

Derek looked at you for a second. “You have to.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to Y/N, especially if it’s related to the case,” he said. 

“Morgan I can’t okay? The last time I tried to warn Spencer about it, he almost got shot in the head. No, he was shot in the head. I’m not risking that again,” you said firmly. 

“Okay, fine, I get that. But you should still tell Hotch at least,” he proposed. 

“Fine.”

***

When everyone split into cars again to go to the police headquarters, you made sure to ride with Hotch. Spencer rode with Ella, but you couldn’t focus on that now. 

“Hey Hotch, Garcia ran the handwriting, and nothing came up,” you said. 

“That’s unfortunate. This case is going to go cold at this rate. I expected another murder by now, I mean, we barely have a profile.”

“I think I can help with that,” you said in a small voice. 

“What?”

“I got a letter, and some phone calls. My letter matches the handwriting that the other spouses got, Garcia ran the program to determine it. They’re the same,” you said. 

Hotch turned to face you. “So, you got a letter, and phone calls, and you didn’t tell me?”

“Hotch, listen. They threatened Spencer. I didn’t know what to do,” you said. 

“You tell me, Y/N. Our whole job is to figure out who these people are.”

“I tried, Hotch, I did. But they threatened to kill him. We were taking a walk outside the hotel a couple of days ago and someone shot at him. They said I couldn’t tell him.”

Hotch sighed. He looked at you again and then put his eyes back on the road. 

***

Once you all arrived at the station, Hotch updated everyone on the note identification situation. 

“As of now, we have a partial profile and nothing more to build it with. Unless there are more murders, we are going to have to deem this case cold. We can deliver the profile we have to the local police but we cannot guarantee anything from it,” he said. 

“I’ll call my guys in,” Ella said. 

***

As the officers filed in, you couldn’t help but notice how close Ella and Spencer were standing. A part of you was jealous. You wanted to be close to him right now. Another part of you was suspicious. They’d only known each other for three days. How were they so close?

You didn’t have time to think about that as Hotch began to deliver the profile. 

“Our unsub is male, in his thirties to forties, and probably white,” Hotch said. 

“He’s charming, able to walk into any room and reduce any woman he wants,” Rossi continued. 

“He’s someone in common with the four women murdered. Probably an ex but not necessarily,” Spencer said. 

You saw Ella give him an encouraging nudge after he finished speaking. It took a second before you realized it was your turn to speak. 

“He, um, he is definitely local and is probably very invested in the community. If he is not an ex he’s definitely someone that was interested in the women,” you said. 

“This guy is meticulous. He thinks and plans everything out. He doesn’t make mistakes,” Morgan said. 

“Yes, and he’s extremely dangerous. People should be very cautious walking around late at night or talking to strangers,” Emily said. 

“If anyone has any questions please feel free to contact me at the BAU. Unfortunately, this is all we have for you as the case has been deemed cold. However, should any new evidence arise we will be the first to respond. Thank you,” JJ closed. 

Hotch headed over to Ella to thank her for everything while everyone else piled into the cars. 

You watched Spencer as he too thanked Ella for her help. You saw him type something into her phone, assuming it was his number. You weren’t sure how that made you feel but it didn’t matter. Spencer was free to live his own life. 

You got into the car with Hotch and Morgan, not wanting to explain yourself to someone who might ask what’s wrong. You watched as Spencer kissed Ella goodbye on the cheek and then climbed into the car with everyone else. 

Tears welled in your eyes as you hung your head and started to pick at your fingernails.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's the next part. I hope you enjoy!

Everyone filed onto the plane again for what had to be the shortest flight in existence. Spencer sat on one end of the plane, to which you instinctively started heading towards as well. You got about two steps in before you remembered the situation and turned around, setting yourself up on the opposite side. 

The flight wasn’t long at all but mostly everyone still tried to sleep. It was basically just you and Spencer awake for a little while when he decided to go to the bathroom. 

You didn’t say anything to him as he entered the bathroom. He didn’t come out for five minutes but when he did, his eyes were red and puffy. 

“Reid,” you said, remembering what he said. 

Spencer turned to face you. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Y/N,” he said sharply. 

“Okay, I just thought after last night if-,”

“Don’t mistake last night for forgiveness.”

“I’m not I’m just saying if you need someone to talk to-,”

“Then I’ll be sure to talk to someone that isn’t you,” he snapped. 

He was headed back to the other side of the plane when you spoke again. “What about the apartment?”

Spencer turned to look at you, coming back to where you sat to avoid yelling about your apartment on the plane. 

“What about it?” He asked. 

“Our stuff is there. My stuff is there,” you said. 

“So take it. You have a key. Stop by tomorrow and take your stuff while I’m at work. Leave the key on the table by the door,” Spencer said. 

“Okay,” you replied. 

“You can stay at your other boyfriend’s until then,” he mumbled. 

You bit your lip as he walked away. You couldn’t blame him for acting this way but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. 

***

When the plane landed, everyone grabbed their bags to head home. You lingered for a moment around the plane, knowing that the last thing Spencer wanted was to ride home with you. 

“Hey, EM,” you said, stopping Emily. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Any chance I could stay at yours tonight? Spencer and I kind of… broke up,” you said. 

“Oh Y/N I’m sorry. Of course, you can stay with me. Stay as long as you’d like,” she said, squeezing your shoulder. 

“Thanks.”

You watched as Spencer got in the car. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. Within seconds he had the biggest smile on his face, and it wasn’t from you. 

You watched as he laughed in his car, smiling giddily as he talked on the phone. Emily dragged you away before you could watch him any longer but you knew he wasn’t hanging up any time soon. 

***

Once you’d reached Emily’s apartment, you dropped your bag by the door. 

“I have some extra clothes and towels for you. Let me go get them. Make yourself at home,” she said. 

You looked around the apartment. It was nice, quaint. Very Emily. It looked homey yet it looked like it could be packed up in a couple of hours need-be. 

“Here you go. Feel free to hope in the shower. I’ll open a bottle of wine,” she said, handing you the towels and pajamas. 

“Thank you so much,” you said, taking them from her. 

She smiled at you as you headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. 

***

The water felt so nice against your skin. It had been cold on the case. It was still cold. The hot water ran through you like a fire. You closed your eyes and ran your fingers through your hair. 

***

“I’m covered in mud, Spence. I don’t think you want that,” you said, laughing. 

“Oh, come on, I’ve got mud on me too!” He said. 

You ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You locked it before blowing a raspberry in triumph. 

You hopped in the shower, scrubbing the mud off of yourself. You heard the lock turn and stopped what you were doing. 

“Spencer?” You called. But there was no reply. You quickly looked around at what you could use as a weapon. You settled on a full shampoo bottle, possibly the soap dish, and a razor. 

You held your breath as you saw a shadow move behind the curtain. 

“Gotcha!” Spencer yelled. 

You yelped, stepping back and almost slipping in the shower. Spencer grabbed your arm to stop you from falling. 

“Spencer! Don’t do that!” You said, hitting his arm. 

“Sorry, I just wanted to see you,” he said placing his hands on your waist. 

You rolled your eyes at him, draping your arms around his neck. “How’d you get in here anyway? I locked the door,” you said. 

“Hello, have you forgotten whose apartment this is?” He said with a smirk. 

“Are there any other hidden keys I should know about Doctor?” You asked playfully. 

“Just one,” he said, smiling and leaning in. You pulled him closer to you, running your fingers through his hair as your lips made contact. 

You tugged at his curls as the kiss intensified. His hands cupped your face, bringing you closer with every kiss. Then his hands moved to the back of your head, tangling your hair as he tugged on the wet strands. 

You pulled away from the kiss, one hand on the back of his neck, the other on this chest. His one hand was cradling your head while the other supported your back. You stood there for a minute, foreheads pressed together, the water running through the two of you. 

***

You opened your eyes and turned off the water. You couldn’t tell which droplets were water and which were tears. 

You cleaned yourself up and exited the bathroom, joining Emily on the couch. 

“Hey, you doin’ okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah it’s fine.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Honestly, yes and no,” you said. “I know that’s probably not much help.”

“No, I get it. How about you just tell me the parts you want,” she suggested. 

“Okay. Well…” you started. And you told her everything about your fight. You told her that you cheated on him and that the rose petals were for an anniversary surprised he’d planned. 

When you were all said and done, Emily put her hand on your leg. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. 

“Don’t be. I cheated on him,” you said, shifting your eyes to the right. 

She smiled at you. “Hey, do you have anything stronger than wine?” You asked. 

“Sure. What are you feeling?” She asked. 

“Whiskey.”

“You got it.”

She got up to get some whiskey while you finished the last of the bottle of wine. 

As she was pouring the drink, your mind wandered. You were brought back by the sound of Emily approaching the couch. 

“Here we are,” she said, handing you a glass. 

“Thanks,” you said, taking a sip. 

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the note?” She asked. 

You spit out your drink, choking on its remnants. “What?”

“The note. You left that part out of your story. Why?” She asked. 

“I didn’t think it was important,” you lied. And it was a terrible lie. 

“Hotch told me, in case you were wondering,” she said. 

“So, you knew this whole time?” You questioned. 

“Pretty much.”

“Then why’d you let me talk about it for so long?”

“Because, Y/N, it’s not about the story. It’s about allowing you to release your feelings,” she said. 

You looked at Emily, disappointed in yourself for not noticing her behavior earlier. Of course, she knew. Even if Hotch hadn’t told her, she probably would’ve figured it out. 

“Did you know before? You know, before Hotch told you?” You asked. 

“I had an inkling. You guys didn’t go over the case together in the morning. The way Spencer looked at you was, different. And he was cozying up to that police captain. Not to mention you didn’t leave the room together. He came out of Morgan’s,” she said. 

You chuckled. “Right.”

Emily noticed the expression on your face. “Hey, don’t worry about her. She doesn’t hold a candle to you,” she said. 

“Thanks, but it doesn’t matter what we think. The only thing that matters is his opinion,” you said. 

“He doesn’t know the truth, and I understand why. But if he did, I know he’d pick you. No one knows him better than you do, Y/N.”

You smiled at Emily and downed the rest of your drink. “I think it’s time to call it a night,” you said. 

Emily agreed. “I’ll sleep on the couch. You can take the bed,” she said. 

“What, Em, no. It’s your place. I’ll take the couch. Besides, I slept on the floor last night so this is a huge step up,” you said. 

She gave you a small smile and nodded her head. 

You set up camp on the couch, staring at the ceiling for god knows how long before your eyes finally closed. 

***

You woke up panting. You could feel something was wrong. You rushed to the bathroom immediately pulling your hair back. 

You emptied the contents of your stomach, tears streaming down your face. Your chest was heaving as you threw up again and again with no break. 

You heard the bathroom door bust open as Spencer ran in. “Hey, hey, shh…” he said, taking your hair and holding it back for you as you gripped the sides of the toilet. 

He rubbed your back with his thumb as you continued heaving. 

Once there was nothing left to give, you wiped your mouth, collapsing against the wall. 

“You okay?” He asked you. 

You just nodded your head, eyes closed. 

“Here,” Spencer whispered, handing you some mouth wash. 

You took the minty solution from him and used it to rid your mouth of the bile. 

You sat on the floor again, back pressed against the wall. 

“You wanna go back to bed?” He asked. 

You shook your head no, a couple tears still rolling down your face. 

“Okay,” he whispered. He sat down next to you and pulled you closer to him as you rested your head on his chest, eyes still closed. 

He sat on the bathroom tile with you, stroking your hair as you fell asleep, the two of you not moving until morning.

***

Your eyes shot open. You ran to Emily’s bathroom to blow your guts out. You heard the door open, but this time it wasn’t Spencer. 

Emily crouched beside you, holding your hair back. 

When you were done, you rinsed your mouth and headed back to the couch without another word to her. 

You turned to face the side of the couch, blinking away your tears. 

***

As you got in the car with Emily to head to work, you didn’t speak. 

It wasn’t until you were maybe thirty seconds away from arriving that you turned to her. “Hey, um, thanks for last night. All of it, I mean. And I’m sorry if I made a mess,” you said. 

“Anytime. If you wanna talk, you know where to find me,” she said. 

“Thanks,” you said. “Oh hey, I’m supposed to pick up some stuff from Spencer’s later today. Do you mind if we stop there on the way back?” You asked. 

“Of course not. Let me know when you want to go,” she said giving you a small smile. 

You took a deep breath before exiting the car. 

You entered the bullpen and headed straight for your desk. 

You immediately dropped your bags and sat down. 

Morgan walked over to you and said, “Hey, how you doin’?”

“I’m fine. Just a rough night,” you said. 

“Hey, take it easy today okay? Go make some coffee, I’ll help clear some of these cases off your desk,” he said. 

You looked at him for a second before obliging. 

You walked to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee when you saw someone in there. 

You ignored his presence and immediately went to the other corner of the kitchen. 

“You don’t have to hide you know,” he said. 

“I’m not hiding. I’m waiting for you to be done,” you said. 

He didn’t reply. He just stirred his cup of coffee and the one next to it. 

Wait a second. Two cups of coffee. The only time you had seen Spencer do that was when he was making one for you. 

You opened your mouth to ask him before deciding to close it and look back at the bullpen. 

That’s when you saw her. Ella. You swallowed the bile climbing up your throat. You stared at the ground as Spencer finished up and left the kitchen. 

You set your cup down on the countertop, your hands shaking as you put a packet of sugar in the cup. 

You were pouring the coffee into your cup when JJ walked in. “Is that Ella?” She asked, causing you to spill the coffee all over yourself and the floor. 

“I hadn’t noticed,” you mumbled. 

“Sorry, let me help,” JJ said as she helped you grab paper towels. 

Once you cleaned up the kitchen, you left without saying another word. You put the coffee at your desk and headed straight for the bathroom to clean yourself up. It was a good think you weren’t wearing white today. 

Once you got into the bathroom you took some paper towels and ran them under water. You dabbed at the coffee stains on your shirt. 

You knew you were going to smell like it for the rest of the day since it was stronger than your perfume. 

Honestly, you weren’t upset. There were things way worse to smell like than coffee. 

You headed back to your desk, sitting down as Morgan continued flipping through the files there. 

“What happened to you?” He asked. 

“Nothing, just a coffee accident,” you said. 

You looked to your left at Spencer’s desk. You saw Ella holding the cup of coffee he had prepared for her. 

You turned back to your paperwork and began writing, putting all your energy into the files. 

***

Later that day you went to grab your stuff from Spencer’s place. He was still at work so you wouldn’t run into him. 

“I’ll just be a second,” you said to Emily, getting out of the car. 

“Take your time,” she said. 

You headed upstairs, passing the mailbox you had received that letter in. 

You continued up the stairs, stopping when you reached Spencer’s apartment. 

You fumbled with your keys for a moment before finding the right one and turning the lock. 

Your senses overwhelmed you as you started to tear up. You could instantly smell Spencer’s scent all over the apartment. That and the scent of coffee although you weren’t sure if that was coming from you or not. 

You slowly walked around the apartment. You missed the late nights on his couch, watching sci-fi movies and pointing our inaccuracies. You missed breakfast on the kitchen counter with Spencer burning three pancakes before he asked for your help. 

You walked into the bedroom. You had instinctively reached for the comforter. You missed waking up in that bed, turning to see Spencer’s mess of curls. You missed cuddling with him. You missed the nights when you were sick and he would stay up to make sure you weren’t alone. You missed when you’d have nightmares and he’d just hold you as you cried. You missed laughing with him after a long day at work. You missed him. More than anything in the world. 

You bit your lip and started to father your things from around the room. You threw your clothes into a bag, grabbed your toothbrush and toiletries from the bathroom. 

You looked around for your Star-Trek t-shirt you loved but you couldn’t find it. You just grabbed whatever you saw and headed out, not wanting to run into Spencer. 

You were taking one last look around when you heard the lock click. You turned to face the door, your heart racing. You couldn’t see him. Not now. 

“Oh. Hi, sorry. Spencer told me to wait up here,” Ella said. 

Your heart dropped. This was worse. 

You cleared your throat. “Sorry, um, I was just grabbing my things.”

“No worries. He’s on his way up,” she said. 

“What?”

“Yeah, he’s on his way up. Take your time,” Ella said.

You looked at her. You know she didn’t mean it, but she sounded like she owned the place. Like it was her apartment too. And you didn’t like that. 

“Right. Well, I’m almost done so I’ll just, go,” you said, rushing out the door. 

“Nice seeing you again!” She called. 

You wished you could say the same. 

You ran down the stairs as fast as humanly possible, nearly tripping multiple times. 

If it hadn’t been for the person in your way, you would’ve made it. 

“Sorry,” they called. 

You stopped dead in your tracks, your bags on the floor. You didn’t dare life your head to look at him. 

“Y/N?” Spencer asked. 

“Yeah sorry I was just grabbing my stuff. I know you wanted me out before you came back,” you said. 

“It’s fine. You need help carrying your stuff to the car?” He asked. 

You shook your head no. 

You grabbed your things without another word and continued down the stairs. 

***

It was only after you put your bags in the car that you realized you’d forgotten to give Spencer his key back in the chaos. 

“One minute, I forgot to drop the key off,” you said to Emily. 

She nodded her head as you started back up the stairs. 

Once you reached his door, you knocked three times. 

Ella opened the door. 

“Hi!”

“Hi, sorry. Um, is Spencer here?” You asked. 

“Yeah, he was just about to jump in the shower. One second,” she said. “Hey, babe? Y/N is at the door,” she yelled. 

Babe?

“One second,” he called back. 

Once he emerged from the bathroom your heart started beating a mile a minute. 

He had just a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair slightly wet. It was as if he had just stepped into the shower when you had knocked. He could’ve stayed in the shower. Why didn’t he?

“What?” He asked. 

“I, um, I have…” you cleared your throat. “I have your, uh, your key.”

You couldn’t have been more obvious. 

“Thanks.” Spencer said. You gave him a small smile before turning to walk away. You heard the door close behind you and you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in. 

You leaned against the wall of his apartment, steadying yourself. You heard noises coming from the apartment, pressing you ear to the wall. You knew it was an invasion of privacy but you didn’t care right now. 

***

“Oh Spencer, I just showered.”

“Take another one, with me.”

“Are you gonna make me?”

“Damn straight I’m gonna make you.”

***

You heard the beginnings of moaning and moving around. You immediately put your hands over your ears, tears streaming down your face. 

You ran down the stairs telling Emily to drive before you were even buckled in. 

***

The next day at was hell. You were sitting at your desk drawing when Ella walked over to Spencer’s. 

“What’s that?” Morgan asked you. 

“The crime scene set up. Something still bothers me about it,” you mumbled. 

“So you’re not just throwing yourself into a cold case to distract yourself from that,” he said, gesturing to Spencer and Ella. 

“Of course not. He can do whatever he wants,” you said. 

“Right… well, how about you help me with a case?” He asked. “Over there.”

You sighed, turning to face Derek. You rolled your eyes at him before reluctantly agreeing. 

***

At the end of the day, you headed back to your desk. You’d told Emily not to worry about you tonight. As you put the paperwork back on your desk you slumped into your chair. 

You stared at the post it you were drawing on before. You connected the dots in the shape of a parallelogram. You stared at it for a second before drawing a dot that represented the marked spot in the field. 

You connected that one too, the ink from your pen bleeding onto the following post its. 

“I’ll just be a minute.”

You turned your head to see Spencer at his desk, grabbing his coat. 

He looked at you for a moment. You looked at him, your eyes locked. You licked your lips, moving to bite the bottom one. You weren’t trying to do anything other than calm your nerves. 

Spencer pursed his lips before forming a tight-lipped smile. 

He grabbed his jacket and walked towards the elevator where Ella was waiting for him. 

He put his arm around her as they entered the elevator. 

Just as the doors were closing, you could’ve sworn Spencer looked at you again. It was small, subtle, anyone else would miss it. But it was there. 

You sighed again, looking back at your paperwork. Your eyes flipped between the stack of cases on your desk and the post it. 

It took about ten seconds for you to choose to ignore your cases and focus on the post it again. 

You stared at the drawing, turning it see if from every angle, eventually settling on the one you started with. 

You looked out the window. Everyone else was gone. It was just you and stars. The stars. You frantically pulled out a notebook and started typing into a search engine. 

Images of constellations popped up but there were still too many. You narrowed your search down to constellations with only five stars and that’s when it hit you. Lyra. The constellation looked just like your drawing. 

You immediately wrote this down in your notebook looking up when it was visible, and which stars it was comprised of. 

You madly jotted everything down before running to the file room to get the cold case. 

You rushed back to your desk and started comparing the contents of the case with your newfound information. 

You groaned in frustration as you hit dead end after dead end. 

You didn’t even realize how late it was until the sun was in your eyes. 

***

You’d fallen asleep at your desk. Hotch woke you up when he arrived but you’d just passed out again. 

Rossi put a cup of coffee next to your head, waiting for you to wake up. 

JJ threw things at your back, waiting for something to jolt you awake. 

It wasn’t until Penelope slammed a box of donuts in front of your face that you were startled enough to wake up. 

“Rise and shine pumpkin,” she said. 

You looked around the bullpen, eyes still squinting. 

“Ah, about time sleepyhead,” Morgan said, playfully. 

You blinked multiple times, taking in your friends staring at your face. 

However, once Spencer walked in, attention quickly turned to him. 

“Hey there pretty boy. Where’s Ella?” Morgan asked. 

“Ella?” Spencer asked. 

“Oh, don’t pretend like there’s nothing going on there. We’ve all noticed,” Morgan said. 

“Oh.”

“So, what’s going on?” JJ asked. 

“She’s great. We’ve spent the last few days together,” Spencer said. 

“Oh, come on, tell us more!” Garcia said. 

Spencer looked at you as you avoided eye contact with him. 

“She’s, uh, she’s smart. Really smart. She’s incredibly sexy. She can cook literally any cuisine. And she makes me laugh… more than anyone else,” he said. “Does that scratch your itch?”

“Ugh, barely,” Garcia said. “But I’m happy for you Spencer. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

Spencer looked at you again. This time, you met his gaze. It didn’t last long, as you picked up your files and walked over to Hotch’s office. 

You knocked on the door, and after getting the all clear, entered the room. 

“Y/N, what can I do for you?” He asked. 

“I want a transfer out of the BAU.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next part :))) unsub reveal time, kind of predictable but I still loved writing it

“What?” Hotch asked. 

“I want a transfer, Hotch. I can’t do this anymore.” 

“Okay, let’s just think about this for a second Y/N,” Hotch said. 

“What’s there to think about? I can’t come to work every day like this,” you said. 

“Dave can you come in here please,” Hotch said, buzzing into the intercom channel that connected their office. 

It wasn’t long before Rossi showed up. “What’s all this about?” He asked. 

“Y/N wants a transfer,” Hotch said. 

“What? Why?” Rossi asked. 

You didn’t say anything. You just looked out the window of the office. 

“Oh,” Rossi said. He squeezed your shoulder before shutting the blinds. 

“Maybe we can work something out Y/N. We can make sure you don’t work together, split you up on cases, have one of you stay with Garcia,” Hotch said, throwing out ideas. 

“Hotch, I respect what you’re trying to do, but it’s not that simple,” you said. 

“Y/N, we’re going to find this person. We’re going to find whoever sent those letters. Don’t you want to be here when we do?” Rossi asked. 

He posed a good question. Of course, you wanted to be there when they caught that son of a bitch. But you didn’t know how long that would be. 

“6 months. I will stay for 6 months, Hotch, and even that is pushing it. If we don’t find this unsub in 6 months, I’m leaving. I can’t…” you said, choking back tears as your sentence trailed off. 

“Okay,” Hotch said. 

You left his office, heading back to your desk as Rossi and Hotch watched you go. 

“What was that about?” Emily asked, as you took your seat at your desk. 

“Nothing,” you mumbled. 

She looked at you for a moment, her eyebrows furrowing. 

You stared at your work, hoping everyone would leave you alone. 

***

It was hours later when you noticed someone standing in front of your desk. 

“Coffee?”

You looked up to face the person you saw. “Spencer. I mean, Reid. Sorry,” you said. 

“It’s okay,” he said, his arm still outstretched. 

“Oh yeah, sorry. Thanks,” you said, taking the coffee from him. 

“So, what was that about?” He asked, referring to your closed blinds conversation with Hotch and Rossi. 

“Oh, it was nothing,” you said. You weren’t able to stop yourself. You’d already made your mistake. 

You looked up at Spencer, knowing he had just seen what you did. He looked at you intently, as if debating whether to press further. 

He decided not to as he nodded and went back to his own desk. You made a mental note to get better at lying and stop shifting your eyes, especially when talking to Spencer. 

***

Before you left the BAU that day, you marked your calendar. February 7th. In six months, you were leaving if this unsub wasn’t found. And the clock, just started ticking. 

***

The first month went by okay. There were a couple of new cases but nothing the team couldn’t handle. Ella dropped by more and more often. You were starting to wonder how Baltimore was surviving without her so much. 

There was one day where you and Spencer had to work together to decipher a message from a killer. The two of you worked tirelessly into the night to figure it out. 

***

“Okay, so, remind me again what the other one said?” You asked, rubbing your eyes. 

“Long I will not wait, for inevitable is fate,” Spencer said. 

“Right. And the one from the father said, ‘It’s always darkest before dawn, for dawn is when the creature hide’ right?” You asked. 

Spencer nodded his head. 

“It’s gotta be something with this language involved,” you said. 

“Well I hate to break it to you but we have numbers not letters,” he said. 

You shot him a playful look which he returned. You stared for a second before both of you regained yourselves. 

“One from the mother, one from the father. This one must be from the kid,” you said. 

“Yeah, seems that way.”

The two of you stared at the board, arms crossed, feet shoulder width apart. Anyone who saw you two would’ve immediately commented on your identical stance. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered. 

“What?” Spencer asked. 

You ignored him as you rummaged through the pictures in the case file. 

“What?” He asked again. 

“The mother and the father. Both were killed with one swift movement. But the kid was tortured. Why?” You asked. 

“He wanted the kid to suffer,” Spencer said. 

“Right. So, he kills the parents in front of the kid and then he tortures the kid before killing him,” you said. 

“Right.”

“So, the unsub has the kid draw a picture of a sunset before he kills him, and then leaves it at the scene covered in blood. Why? Why just this kid? Why a sunset? The drawing is part of the MO but the sunset is different from the rest,” you said. 

“The other families had notes for all three members, including the kid.”

“Exactly. Why is this one different?” You asked. 

Spencer’s head shot up. “Because the message isn’t in this note. It’s in the picture.”

***

The second month was rough. It almost made you want to quit all over again. 

Ella moved in with Spencer and they would often show up to the BAU together. She didn’t even work with you. One day in particular was grueling. 

***

Everyone had piled into the round table room as Hotch gave the rundown of the case. 

“Y/N we’re gonna have you go undercover. This man cheats on his wife with women who look a lot like you so you’ll be the bait,” Hotch said. 

“It’d be a lot more realistic if it was the other way around,” Spencer said under his breath. 

The whole room looked at the two of you as your cheeks grew red. 

“We will move in after you make contact,” Hotch said, trying to continue the briefing as if Spencer hadn’t said anything. “Do not anywhere with him, Y/N.”

“Yeah, make sure you don’t sleep with him and then date him for another 6 months,” Spencer said, not even looking up from the case file. 

After everyone filed out of the room, you turned to face him. 

“What is your problem?” You asked him. 

“Really? What’s my problem?” He scoffed. 

“Yes, Reid. What is your problem? I’m just trying to do my job,” you said. 

“Well so am I,” he said. 

“Come on, Reid, I thought things were getting better between us,” you said. 

“Well, you thought wrong. Don’t mistake exhaustion for friendship.”

“Oh no, I could never do that,” you said sarcastically. 

“You cheated on me Y/N. Not the other way around,” he said firmly. 

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“I think you forget a lot.”

“How can I forget when you throw it in my face every two seconds?” You yelled. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want me to pretend like nothing happened? Do you want me to look at you like you didn’t rip my heart out of my chest and crush it?” Spencer yelled back. 

The two of you were impossibly close now, almost right up against each other. 

You could hear his breathing and see the anger in his eyes. 

A part of you almost grabbed his face. But you didn’t. You backed away from him. 

“No. That’s not, that’s not what I’m saying. I just mean you don’t need to bring it up every time the opportunity presents itself,” you said in a small voice. 

“I am gonna bring it up! Are you kidding me? You want to pretend this never happened and go back to our life before this?” Spencer said. 

“No, that’s not what I mean, Spencer, you know that,” you said, getting more frustrated by the minute. 

“Don’t talk to me, Y/N. Don’t talk to me, don’t call me, don’t even look at me.” 

“Fine.” You grabbed your case file and headed out the door, Spencer following you from no less than ten feet of space. 

***

The third month was, interesting to say the least. The cases were mostly missing kids ones from all over the country. 

It was rare for a month to be dominated by so many of one type of case. 

You remembered one day when Spencer had come over to look over something for one case in particular. 

***

“Make yourself at home,” Emily said to Spencer. 

Spencer sat on the couch, looking around as Emily went to the kitchen to make some tea. 

You wrapped yourself in a towel, emerging from the bathroom. You walked into the kitchen, completely unaware of Spencer’s presence. 

“Oh, that smells so good. What is that?” You asked. 

“Peppermint tea,” Emily said. 

“Oh, I love peppermint tea. Spencer and I used to drink it all the time before… you know,” you said. 

Emily turned around to face the couch. You followed her line of sight to find Spencer sitting there. 

Your face turned beet red. Spencer stared at you in the towel, looking you up and down. He probably didn’t mean to stare, but that’s what he did for a couple seconds too long. 

“I’m… gonna go check the bedroom for the files,” Emily said as she ducked out of the room. 

There was an awkward silence between the two of you. How could there not be? You hadn’t spoken in a month except for necessary interactions. 

You both stood exchanging tight-lipped smiles. It felt weird for you to excuse yourself now, so you stood there, your hand securing your towel. 

‘You, um, you look good,” you told him, not sure how he’d react to both you speaking and the compliment. But it was the truth. His hair had grown out a little more now and he’d started wearing suits more often. 

You didn’t care what he wore, he got you riled up regardless, but the suit was definitely new and welcome. 

“Thanks,” he said. It looked like he was debating saying something before he opened his mouth. “You too,” he said. 

You looked down at your towel and back up at him. “Thanks,” you laughed. 

The two of you stood there again in silence. 

“Is the, uh, is the tea done?” He asked. 

“Oh yeah, right. Sure,” you said. 

He walked over to where you were standing to grab the tea. 

He gave you a smile as he reached past you to pick up the mug. 

“Sorry,” you said moving out of the way. 

You shouldn’t have stepped backwards. Or maybe you should have. In any case, when you tried to move, your foot slipped on some residual water. 

“Careful!” Spencer yelled, grabbing your arm. 

He set the mug down with his other hand and then brought it to your other arm to help you steady yourself. 

Your hands had grabbed his arms too as you looked at him for a second. 

“Sorry,” you said. 

You let go of his arm and he cleared his throat. 

You walked over to the couch, deciding the carpet underneath would be better to stand on. 

Spencer grabbed his tea and joined you on the couch. 

Your awkwardness had followed the two of you from one place to the other. 

Again, you sat in silence as Spencer sipped his tea. 

You took a breath. “Remember when, um, when we had that tea on that one case? The, um, the red pepper one?” 

Spencer laughed. “Yeah. I wanted to drink it all the time. I was obsessed,” he said. 

“You made me buy it every time we went out and make it every day. I thought you’d found a new love of your life,” you chuckled. 

“I can never find a new love of my life,” Spencer said, his volume dropping to just barely above a whisper. 

You lifted your head to look at him, your eyes locked. 

You swallowed the anxiety running through you. “Yeah. Coffee and peppermint tea have a, uh, a special place in all of our hearts.”

“Right, yeah. Coffee and peppermint tea,” Spencer said. 

You continued looking at each other. You’ll never know what would’ve happened. 

“Okay, got the file!” Emily said. 

She came over to the couch and sat down as you got up to go change. 

You rushed into the bedroom. 

When you came out, Emily was in the kitchen. You walked over to her and hit her on the arm. 

“How long does it take to find a file?” You yelled in a whisper. 

“About one romance long,” she said. “Come on, you guys were doing much better.”

You wanted to be made but the truth was, you and Spencer were doing better. At least it seemed like it after whatever had happened. You smiled at Emily, thankful that she had let you spend some time alone together. 

***

You thought the fourth month would be better. You spent all your extra time on the cold case, expecting to find something, anything, that would allow you to make headway. 

Instead, you found case after case that kept you busy and on a plane. There was one plane ride in particular you could only remember was the best and worst one yet. 

***

All the other spots on the plane were full. Rossi was sprawled across the couch. JJ and Emily were in two seats with their bags on another two. Hotch laid himself across two seats and Morgan did the same. 

“Do you mind if I sit? Everyone else kind of took all the seats,” Spencer said. 

You turned to face him. “No, go ahead,” you said. 

He smiled before sitting down. 

You didn’t talk. Not a single word was spoken. But within twenty minutes, Spencer’s exhaustion had gotten the best of him. 

You didn’t dare move as his head slumped against your shoulder. His body fell into yours in a way it hadn’t in a really long time. 

You tried to slow your fast-paced breathing and positioned yourself in the most comfortable way for him. 

When he woke up, the two of you didn’t speak about it. No one else did either. It was just something that happened. Something that had come and gone. But it was nice. 

When the plane landed, you almost thought about asking him if he wanted to grab some food. But right before you were able to open your mouth, someone came running at you. 

They gave you the tightest hug and then the biggest kiss. 

You were taken aback and this close to drawing your gun. 

“Who are you?” You asked. 

“What do you mean? It’s me, Noah! Noah Carson,” the man said loudly. “I’m here to pretend to be your boyfriend,” he whispered. 

“What? Who hired you?” You asked in a hushed voice. 

“Some girl named Lyra. Play along so I can get paid,” he said. 

“I don’t want to play along,” you said as he forced your hand to hold his. 

He walked you to the car he brought, putting one arm around you tightly. You couldn’t move to grab your gun or your taser. 

You turned as you saw the rest of the BAU watching you. But you only cared about one person. 

Spencer looked at you before his eyes flicked to the ground and he started playing with his fingernails. 

You could see him wipe a tear away before going to his own car. 

Your heart broke. 

The next day at work, it was as if all your progress was just gone. Spencer was cold, distant. He didn’t partner up with you. He didn’t speak to you. In fact, he actively avoided you. Any time you would speak you’d get into a huge argument over the most ridiculous thing. 

The only other interaction you had was a whisper under his breath during a round table. “I thought this time was different,” he said. 

No one else caught it but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care if anyone else understood what he had said. You did, and that’s what mattered. 

***

The next month was emotionally upsetting. After the events with the man who claimed to be Noah Carson, Spencer brought Ella into work whenever he could. 

He’d sneak around with her in places she wasn’t supposed to be. You could catch the little things he did. Him whispering something to her as he kissed her on the cheek. His hands drifting lower and lower each time they hugged. Him pressing himself against her whenever possible. 

It made you sick. 

You frequently went over your notes for the cold case. Lyra was the one who had hired Noah. The constellation that was marked by the killings was Lyra. 

That was the only connection you had, but it was more than what you had started with. 

You’d spend night after night analyzing the handwriting of the letter you’d gotten. One day, it clicked. 

***

“Hey, Morgan?” You called. 

“What’s up sugar?” He asked, walking over to your desk. 

“Come look at this,” you said. “See the strokes? They’re neat. Organized. In control,” you said. 

“Y/N you’ve gotta let this case go. You can’t keep working on it with nothing to add,” he said. 

“Just, humor me,” you said. He leaned back down and looked at the handwriting. 

“Yeah, I supposed. The i’s are dotted, the t’s are crossed. The g’s and y’s have fancier loops,” he said. 

“Right. Now even though the notes all said different words, their message was the same. The handwriting follows the pattern,” you said. 

“Okay, so, we’re looking for…” Derek started. Then it hit him. “We’re looking for a female unsub.”

“Bingo.”

You got out of your chair and Morgan followed you to Hotch’s office. 

“Hotch,” you said, not even bothering to knock. “The profile’s wrong.”

“What?”

“The profile, for the cold case. It’s wrong. We should’ve been looking for a female unsub,” you said as you presented your evidence to him. 

“You’re right. Take this to Ella. Work with her on it,” Hotch said. 

“Hotch,” you argued. 

“I know Y/N. But you found this evidence, you know it the best. You need to be the one to work with her on it. I’m sorry,” he said. 

You sighed and left his office. 

Once you got back to your desk, you looked around for Ella. 

You couldn’t tell if you were happy when you didn’t find her. 

You walked over to Spencer’s desk, digging your nails into your palms as you walked. 

“Hey, um, do you know where Ella is?” You asked. 

“She’ll be here in an hour. Why?”

“Hotch wants me to work with her on something,” you said. 

“What is it?” Spencer asked. 

“We, uh, found something for the cold case from a few months ago, the one in Baltimore,” you said, biting your lip and digging your nails further into your palms. 

“What’d you find?”

“We’re looking for a female unsub. The, uh, the handwriting is distinctly representative of a female,” you said. 

“Oh. Good catch,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said. “I’ll, um, just, send Ella over to me whenever you get the chance,” you said clearing your throat. “Please.”

Spencer nodded his head and you turned away from his desk. 

***

Later that night, you and Ella were sitting at your desk going over the handwriting again. 

“See the loops? That’s a distinctly female trait,” you said. 

“Wow. You guys are good at this stuff,” Ella replied. 

“Yeah well, it takes practice,” you laughed. 

You were surprised how much fun you were having with Ella working on the case. 

You sat like that for another hour before you heard the elevator. 

Both of you turned your heads to see who it was, your hand instinctively reaching under your desk to grab your gun. 

“Ella?” Spencer called. 

“Hey, honey,” Ella said, getting up from the chair and giving him a kiss. 

You let go of your gun, releasing a sigh of relief. 

“Hi, baby,” he said, giving her another kiss. “Hey, Y/N.”

You gave Spencer a small smile. 

“I, uh, I brought food,” he said, holding up some take out bags. 

“Oh, man it smells so good. We’re kind of in the middle of something though. Do you mind waiting?” Ella asked. 

“No, no. You guys should eat, you, uh, you should,” you cleared your throat, “you should eat.”

“Are you sure?” Ella asked. 

“Of course.”

“Well, why don’t you eat too? We can all take a break,” she suggested. 

You looked at Spencer. “Oh, no that’s okay. I don’t wanna impose. I’m sure Spencer has something planned for the two of you,” you said. 

“Okay,” Ella said. She took one bag from Spencer and walked into the conference room, their arms around each other. You watched as they walked away, laughing. 

You turned back to your file, sipping the coffee next to it. 

A couple of minutes later, you turned back to see them again, but you only saw Ella. You turned back to your paperwork to find Spencer there. 

“Oh, god you scared me,” you said, clutching your chest. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked. 

“No.”

“Do you need something?”

“No.”

“Okay… then what are you doing out here instead of in there?” You asked, pointing to the conference room. 

Spencer pulled a chair next to you. Your heart started racing. 

“Thank you, for letting us have this,” he said. 

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Seriously, Y/N,” he said, placing his hand on your leg. You stared at his hand, moving your eyes to meet his. “I know I don’t address it, but I realize that this has been hard for you,” he said. 

“It’s whatever. You guys deserve some alone time,” you said. 

Spencer paused and then inhaled before speaking. “Y/N, do you remember that case from June, 2 years ago? The one with the B&E turned lethal?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. You could still feel his hand on your thigh and it was driving you insane. 

“Do you remember how you stayed up all night to finish the paperwork? How you didn’t come home until the day after?”

You nodded your head, your mind joining your heart in its marathon. 

“Do you remember how I brought Chinese food that night? You spilled soy sauce all over the carpet in the conference room,” Spencer said, starting to laugh. 

You smiled. “Yeah, I remember. We scrubbed it for an hour before giving up. Then you grabbed the fortune cookies and started hiding them in everyone’s things. They were so confused the next morning,” you said laughing now too. 

“Hotch kept asking what the smell was and why there were slips of paper everywhere,” Spencer recalled. 

“We kept kicking each other under the table to stop from laughing,” you said. “But it just made it worse.”

The two of you were laughing for a solid minute before silence fell over you again. Spencer took his hand off of your leg. You missed it already. 

“Do you remember what your fortune said?”

“You nodded your head, looking him dead in the eyes. “Those who search will never find. Those who laugh will never cry. And those who love-,”

“-Will never be lost,” Spencer finished. “Yeah.”

“That, um… that was the night you, uh, you told me you loved me,” you whispered, picking at your fingernails. 

“Yeah, it was,” he said. “It was the same night we built that blanket fort under your desk and you, uh, you told me you loved me too.”

You started blinking back tears. You licked your lips and took in a shaky breath. “Why are you doing this Spencer?” You asked, lifting your head to face him again. 

He looked at your for a moment before replying. “I just wanted to see you smile,” he whispered. 

You looked at each other for a second. You could swear he almost wiped away the tear that fell down your cheek. 

“Come on,” he said, getting up and stretching out his hand. 

“What?”

“Come on,” he said again. You took his hand as he lifted you out of your seat. 

Your hand still fit perfectly in his. He could’ve let go after you got out of the chair, but he didn’t, and neither did you. 

“Y/N!” Ella exclaimed. 

“Hi Ella,” you said. 

“You decided to join us after all!” She said. 

“Yeah,” you said laughing. “You have a very convincing boyfriend.”

“Oh, I know. Isn’t he the best?” She said, looking at Spencer. You recognized the look in her eyes all too well. It was the same way you looked at him. 

You locked eyes with Spencer. “Yeah, he is.”

Spencer smiled at you as Ella laid her head on his shoulder. 

***

The next morning was terrible. You had a huge hangover from all the wine the night before. Spencer had brought four bottles for no reason. 

“How you feelin’?” He asked you, placing a cup of coffee on your desk. 

“Thanks. Like death,” you said. “But I had fun.”

“I’m glad. We got a new case. You ready?”

“Yeah, gimme one minute. I’ll meet you in there,” you said. 

Spencer walked away as Morgan and Emily approached your desk. 

“Uh, what happened there?” Emily asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you didn’t come back to mine last night. You spent the night here,” she said. 

“So?”

“So? So you stayed the night, and so did pretty boy,” Morgan said. 

“Oh, please. Ella was here the whole time. She left like two minutes ago,” you said rolling your eyes. 

“Hey, I’m just glad you guys seem to be on good terms here. I was getting tired of all the yelling,” Morgan said. 

“Me too, honestly. Let’s hope it lasts this time,” you said. “Come on, Hotch wants us in the conference room.”

You grabbed your files as Morgan and Emily walked with you to the conference room. 

You sat next to Spencer, and he smiled at you as Hotch went over the case. 

“Alright everyone…” Hotch said. 

***

You were exhausted. You’d just finished the case you were on in Massachusetts. It was, brutal, to say the least. 

Massacre after massacre. It’s all you could see when you closed your eyes. 

“Can’t sleep?” JJ asked you. 

“Not even a little bit,” you replied. 

“Yeah, me neither,” she said. 

You gazed at the other side of the plane. Hotch was asleep. Rossi was too. Morgan and Penelope were snuggled up since she didn’t usually come on cases and was severely traumatize after this one. Emily was reading a book, and Spencer was taking a nap. Well, that’s what he wanted everyone to think. You knew him better than that. 

“Excuse me,” you said to JJ. 

You walked to the other side of the plane. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“Hmm?” Spencer replied. 

“I know you’re not asleep Spencer. Come on. Talk to me,” you said. 

He opened his eyes and turned to face you. 

“Talk to you about what?” He asked. 

“I’m not stupid Spence,” you said. 

He looked at you for a second. That was the first time you’d called him Spence in a while. 

“Sorry,” you whispered. “My point is, I know when something’s bothering you. Spill.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said. 

“Okay. We can talk about something else,” you said. You thought about what he’d want to talk about with you now that you weren’t together. 

You kicked yourself as you stared a conversation about the last topic you wanted. “What are you gonna do with Ella when you get back?”

“We’re going on a date. Star gazing,” Spencer said. 

“Star gazing. Sounds romantic,” you said. 

“Yeah. Her favorite constellation is finally visible in this hemisphere,” he said. 

“Oh? What’s her favorite constellation?”

“I think she said it was Libra,” he said. 

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna surprise her with a midnight picnic, you know, under the stars. It’s not often these stars are visible on this side of the earth,” Spencer said. “In fact, the rotation of the earth is slightly different every year. That’s why the stars aren’t visible at the exact same time every year, and it’s why the range of dates for visibility changes. Did you know the stars we can see have already exploded and are in the process of dying?”

You looked at his eyes. 

“Sorry, I’m rambling,” he mumbled. 

“No, keep going. I miss this,” you said. 

He smiled at you. “Because of how the light hits our eyes, we’re only capable of seeing stars that have already exploded. Their brightness is based on how big they are and how close they are to us. Basically, we can only ever see dying stars. Did you know stars are made up of…,” Spencer continued. 

You smiled to yourself as he continued saying random facts. 

You listened to him for the rest of the flight, never losing interest. 

***

When you landed, everyone was exhausted, and yet, no one wanted to go home. 

“Drinks anyone?” Emily asked. 

“Oh, yes I am so down,” Garcia said excitedly. 

“I’ll go,” Morgan said, raising his hand. 

“Me too,” said JJ. 

“I’m gonna head home to Jack,” Hotch said as he waved goodbye. 

“Yeah, I’ve got a couch and pasta waiting for me,” Rossi replied. 

“I’ll go too,” you said. 

Everyone turned to look at Spencer. “Fine, I’ll go,” he said, smiling. 

“What about your date?” You asked. 

“I can push it back a couple of hours. I’ll just tell her to meet us there,” he said. 

You all piled into one car with Derek driving. 

“Wait. Who’s gonna be the designated driver?” JJ asked. 

“Not it!” Everyone yelled. 

“That’s not fair!” JJ exclaimed. 

Everyone laughed as she crossed her arms. “Fine. Only for you dorks,” she said with a smile. 

***

“Another round!” Emily yelled. 

“Gimme gimme gimme,” Garcia said. 

“Calm down baby girl,” Morgan said. 

You laughed as you sipped your drink. 

“No drink?” You asked Spencer. 

“Nope. Gotta drive afterwards remember?” He asked. 

“Oh, right. Mister doctor has a date,” you said, giggling. 

Spencer chuckled as he watched you finish your drink. 

“Might wanna slow down,” he said, laughing. 

“You gonna make me?” You asked, poking him with your finger. 

He laughed as you ordered a refill. 

“You know, I like Ella,” you said. 

“You do?” He asked you. 

“Yeah. She’s nice. And she makes you happy,” you said, taking another sip. 

“Yeah, she does,” he said. He looked at you for a second before taking your drink out of your hands. 

“What’d you do that for?” You asked. 

“Y/N, listen. I know I’ve been kind of moody with you lately. Sometimes I just get, angry, about what happened, you know? But then, I think about how much I miss you. So, I’m sorry if I made you feel like we couldn’t be friends,” he said. 

“Spencer, don’t. Don’t do that,” you said. 

“Do what?” He questioned. 

Before you could say anything more, Ella walked in. 

“Hi baby!” She yelled. 

“Hey, Ella,” Spencer said, getting up to give her a hug. You missed his hugs. 

“Ella!” You yelled. 

“Y/N!” She replied, moving to sit next to you in the booth. 

She wrapped her arms around you as the two of you exchanged a hug. 

“How are you?” She asked. 

“I’m good, how are you?” You replied. 

“Oh, I’m good. I’m excited for night! Who knew Spencer was such a romantic?” she said. 

“That’s my cue to leave,” Spencer said. “What do you want El?”

“Oh, just a cosmopolitan will do, thanks honey,” she said. 

You smiled. “So, star gazing huh?” You asked. 

“Oh, yeah my favorite constellation is visible,” she said. 

“Oh right. Spencer said it was Libra or something?” You said. 

“Oh, close. It’s actually Lyra,” she said. “Thanks babe,” she said as Spencer sat back down with her drink. 

“What?” You asked, putting your drink down, your brows furrowing. 

“Lyra. It’s a constellation made of 5 stars. It kind of looks like a rectangle with a side sticking out,” she laughed. 

Your face fell. 

“What is it?” Ella asked you. 

“Nothing, sorry,” you said. 

You moved to get up from the table. “Y/N?” Spencer asked. 

“It’s nothing I’m fine. Have a nice night,” you told him. 

You frantically searched for JJ. Once you found her, you grabbed her shoulders. “JJ, you have to take me back to the BAU right now.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, here's the next chapter. slight torture/what not in this chapter just a warning for anyone who may be triggered by it. enjoy :)

“Are you gonna tell me what this is about?” She asked as she drove. 

“I will. I promise. I just want to be sure,” you said. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” JJ asked. 

“Can you get me a copy of Ella’s handwriting? Anything will do, just some sentence or phrase,” you said. 

“Yeah sure, sure.” 

“Great.”

“Are you gonna be okay by yourself in there?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna call Hotch to meet me here,” you said. “Thanks for the ride.”

You got out of the car and ran through the doors, best you could while intoxicated. 

Once you were inside, you ran to the file room to grab the cold case. 

You brought it back to your desk with your drawing and compared notes side by side. 

Female unsub. Meticulous. Organized. Killings stopped after you had already arrived on scene suggesting an outside factor. Spencer. Local. Knows the in and outs like the back of their hand. Law enforcement. No struggle. Trusted in the community. 

Your brain spiraled out of control as everything started making sense to you. Lyra. The constellation. The person who hired someone to pretend to be your boyfriend the moment you and Spencer had started to patch things up. 

You dialed Hotch’s number from your desk, your heart beating fasted with each ring. 

No answer. 

You dialed Rossi. 

No answer. 

You decided to call JJ again. 

“JJ, oh thank god. Who’s the most in control over there?” You asked her. 

“Uh, me,” she said. “And Spencer. He’s still here with Ella.”

Not Spencer. Anyone but Spencer. 

“Besides you and Spencer. You need to get back and he’s got his date,” you said. 

“Uh, probably Prentiss or Morgan,” she said. 

“Okay I need you to get one or both of them over here now. Please and thank you,” you said. 

“Okay,” she said. 

“Hey JJ? Did you get that thing I asked for by any chance?” You asked, panic in your voice. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ll send it with Emily and Derek.”

“Thank you so much.”

“No problem. You’re okay though right?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m, uh, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” you said. You were so glad no one could see your face because your eyes shifted to the right three times during that one sentence. 

“Okay. Ella wants to say hi,” she said. 

“No, JJ,” you pleaded. 

“Hi Y/N!” She yelled into the phone. 

“Oh, hi Ella.”

“Where are you?” She asked. 

You heard a bit of struggle on the phone before a different voice spoke. 

“Hey, Y/N. Sorry about her. Where’d you go?” Spencer asked. 

“I, um, I’m back at the office,” you said biting your lip. 

“The office? What are you doing there?”

“I, uh, I forgot to do something. Listen, can you give the phone to JJ or something?”

“Are you okay?”

“What? Yes. No. I’m fine,” you said erratically. You didn’t know how to control yourself. Your heart was beating out of your chest. Your breathing was fast and irregular. 

“Y/N…,”

“What Spencer?” You snapped. “I’m sorry I’m, I’m just, can you please give the phone back to JJ?”

You didn’t hear him reply, but he must’ve done what you asked because the next voice you heard was hers. 

“Y/N? I’m leaving now. I’ll see you in 20 okay?” She said. 

“Okay,” you said. 

You pulled out every piece of paper under the sun. You put pictures across the floor, notes on tables, color coded the evidence. You readied yourself to present everything to your teammates. You knew what they were going to think of you when you suggested this. 

***

In about exactly twenty minute you saw JJ walk through the door. 

“Hey, Morgan and Prentiss are right behind me,” JJ said. 

“Great do you-,” you started. 

“There’s something else you need to know,” she said. But before she could say another word, you saw what she was talking about. 

“Y/N, what is going on?” Spencer asked. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m not stupid Y/n. I know you. Something’s wrong.”

“Spencer, you… you can’t be here right now,” you said, your voice shaking as you ran your fingers through your hair. “Please, please Spence just go. Please just go,” you said as you tried to usher him out of the bullpen. 

“Hey what’s goin’ on?” Morgan asked. 

“Just give us a second,” Spencer said grabbing your arms. 

You tried to fight him as tears rolled down your face. 

“Hey, where’s Ella and Penelope?” Emily asked. 

“She’s in the car,” Reid said. “Y/N, you need to calm down.”

“Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Ella needs to stay in the car. Spencer, you should go with her. Have your date. JJ, you should go get Garcia and make sure she’s okay. Morgan and Prentiss, you stay with me. Sound good? Good,” you said, answering your own question before trying to run out of Spencer’s grip. 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work,” Spencer said, grunting as he tried to hold you back. “Just, do what she said. We’ll be back in a minute.”

And so everyone broke off into the jobs you had mentioned before. Spencer took you into the conference room and shut the door. 

“Okay, what is going on?” He asked. 

“Nothing,” you mumbled. 

“No, don’t do that. I know you too well for you to do that,” he said. 

“Spence, I… I can’t. You can’t. I mean…” you couldn’t even form the words you were trying to say. 

You looked at your hands. You hadn’t even realized that you were digging your nails into your palms. Your hands were shaking now, and you tried to slow your breathing. 

You started to hyperventilate, more so than before. 

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Spencer said, taking your hands in his. “You’re having a panic attack okay?”

You shook your head, unable to stand still. 

“I need you to stay with me here, okay? Just breathe it’s gonna be fine.” 

You closed your eyes and tried to steady your breathing. “I can’t, I can’t,” you said. 

“Yes. You can. Just breathe with me okay?”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. You nodded your head and followed his count. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Again. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Again. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

“Yeah, just like that,” Spencer whispered. 

You looked down at your hands and then back up at him again, tears in your eyes. 

“Better?” He asked. 

“Better,” you whispered. 

Spencer looked at you, still holding your hands. Before you could comprehend what was happening, he pulled you into a hug. 

You could feel his breathing on your neck as he rested his head in the crook of your shoulder. 

It took you a second but eventually you wrapped your arms around him, holding him tighter with every second. 

He rubbed your back as you gripped his shirt, each breath less shaky than the last. 

The two of you pulled away from each other, your foreheads still pressed. You looked at him in his eyes. 

He met your gaze, his eyes dropping down to your lips shortly thereafter. 

“Y/N,” he whispered. 

“Spence.”

You both leaned in before you bit your lip and backed away. “You, uh, you should go,” you whispered as you put your hands on his chest. 

“Right. Yeah. We’re not done though,” Spencer said. “With the conversation, I mean. I still want to know what happened.”

“Mhm,” you said as you nodded your head. 

Spencer walked out of the room. You took a second to regain yourself before returning to the bullpen. 

***

“You okay?” Morgan asked. 

“Yeah, I’m… better,” you said. 

“Good. What’s all this?” He asked. 

“This… is what I have to show you,” you said. “You might wanna sit down for this.”

Emily and Derek took a seat as you explained to them, piece by piece, how you found Ella to be the unsub. 

They questioned you at first, wondering if you were trying to loosely piece together some explanation as to why Ella and Spencer shouldn’t be together, but you saw that coming, and you were prepared. 

You covered every single page in the file. When you were done, Emily pulled out a slip of peper from her pocket. 

“JJ wanted me to give this to you, but I think I know what it’s for,” she said. 

“Oh, yes, thank you,” you said, taking the paper with Ella’s handwriting on it. 

You placed it next to the note you had gotten all those months ago. 

“I knew it,” you whispered. 

“What?” Morgan said. 

You moved out of the way so they could see what you were talking about, the final nail in the coffin. 

“Oh my god,” Derek said, turning away from the desk. 

“This is gonna kill him,” Emily said. 

You took a deep breath, staring at the match in front of you. 

***

You opened the door to Emily’s apartment. She’d given you a key to get some sleep while she and Derek stayed at the BAU copying the evidence. 

You had been looking for your own place but after a while you just got so busy. You nearly collapsed onto the couch as the world started to spin. Your eyelids felt heavy and before you knew it, you had drifted off to sleep. 

***

A thud woke you up. You lifted your head from the couch, looking around the living room. 

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up. “Emily?” You called. No answer. 

You got up to check the bedroom, but no one was in there either. You grabbed the gun from under the night table and then made your way to the bathroom. 

“Emily?” You called again. Still not answer. 

You walked the apartment, gun drawn, only to find no one there. You returned the gun to its original place and headed back to the couch. 

Right before you could lie down, you felt something cold and metallic on the back of your head. 

You started to feel insanely dizzy as you reached your hand to feel the part of your head that was hit. 

When you brought your fingers back, they were covered in blood. “Oh crap,” you whispered before blacking out. 

***

The next time you woke up, it was much colder. You blinked a few times, trying to figure out where you were, but you couldn’t really see anything. Your head was killing you and you could feel your arms and legs being restrained. You looked down to see yourself in bare bones clothing. 

“Morning sunshine,” a voice said. 

“Ella,” you spat. “Let me out of these.”

“Nice try but I’m gonna have to pass,” she said. “I see you figured me out. How’d you do it?”

“It doesn’t matter. My team knows about you. They’ll be here,” you said. 

“Well, they would be here. You know, if they knew where ‘here’ was,” she said using air quotes. “It’s too bad. I was really starting to like you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was it not obvious? I wanted those women, the same way I wanted Spencer. And I still want Spencer.”

“That’s why you sent me the note, right? To scare me into breaking up with him?” You asked. 

“Ding, ding, ding. You got it. And it worked too,” she said. 

“Then why are you still doing this?” You asked. 

“You started getting too close again. It happened before but wasn’t a problem because it ended before I needed to do anything about it. Then it became a problem, so I hired that guy, whatever his name was. It doesn’t matter, he’s dead now.” 

You turned to face her. “So why this? Why take me?”

“Oh, see you figured out my secret. I couldn’t have you telling Spencer now could I. Not that he would believe you anyway,” she said. 

You bit your lip. Then it hit you, you should play along to her fantasy to get information. “You’re right. He wouldn’t believe me. Not after everything that’s happened,” you said. 

“Yeah. He really hates you; you know. I mean day after day he complained and complain about you.”

“Really? What’d he say?” You asked. 

She looked at you for a second. “I’ll make you a deal. For every one thing I tell you, you tell me something about your relationship. Sound good?” She asked. 

You had no choice but to comply, so that’s what you did. 

“You first,” you spat. 

“Oh, no, honey. You first. Then I’ll give you something based on how juicy your tidbit is. Go,” she said. 

“Okay, umm, we dated for 2 years before…”

“Hmm. He said you whine too much,” she said. 

That stung. “Okay, umm our anniversary is, was… in January,” you said, quickly correcting yourself. 

“Ah, close call there hun. He said you’re annoying.”

“You’re not giving me anything, Ella. That’s now what the deal was.”

“The deal is what I want it to be. And since you think you’re so smart, if you don’t give me enough detail, I’m gonna cut out a piece of your arm. Got it?” She threatened. 

She pulled out a knife and ran it along your arm. The feeling of the cold metal was not one you wanted to familiarize yourself with. 

“Okay,” you whispered. 

“I can’t hear you,” she sang. 

“Okay,” you said again firmly. 

“Good. Now tell me something worth my time,” she said. 

Your mind was racing. What could you tell her?

“Our, uh, our first date was at a museum,” you said. 

You saw her inch closer to you, knife in hand. “We… umm… we got hot chocolate afterwards. He, uh, he bumped into this guy on the train and spilled his drink all over himself,” you said. You hadn’t realized the tears streaming down your face. 

“Hmm, okay. You wanna know what he said about you?” 

You nodded your head. 

“He said,” she started as she moved closer to you, putting her lips right by your ear. “He said, he wished he’d never met you.”

“That’s not true,” you said. 

“Wanna bet? You broke his heart, Y/N. Do you really think our young and fair doctor wants to remember you? Why do you think he wanted you to leave? Why do you think he brought me everywhere?” 

You bit your lip so hard you were surprised it wasn’t bleeding. 

“He wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt him. He doesn’t love you anymore, Y/N. I’ve taken that place in his life.”

“That’s not true,” you whispered. “It can’t be.”

“You think him falling asleep on you during a flight is love? Or him saving you from a slip and fall accident is love? Or even helping you through a panic attack? That’s not love, Y/N. What Spencer and I have… that’s love,” she said. 

“And what do you and Spencer have?”

“More than you and him ever will. We have trust, commitment, loyalty,” she said. “We don’t cheat.”

“That’s not fair. I didn’t cheat on him. I only said that because of your stupid note,” you said loudly. You could feel yourself getting extremely angry. 

“That’s not what he thinks,” she smirked. 

You screamed in frustration. She laughed for a moment. You could feel your blood boil. You pulled your wrists against the chains they were in, causing them to bleed. You didn’t even care about the blood trickly down your arm. You just wanted to punch the life out of Ella. 

“Next,” she said. 

“No.”

“I’m sorry. What?”

“I said no. You’re lying to me,” you said. 

She walked over and before you could try to fight back, she slit your wrist. You screamed out in pain, seething through your teeth and biting your lip to stop from yelling more. 

“Still think I’m lying?”

She walked away from you, the knife in her hand red with your blood. 

“What do you say we put this game on pause and watch a little video instead,” she said. 

You turned to face the screen she was standing in front of, your eyes widening in horror as you saw the live stream she began to play. 

It was as if she knew what was going to happen and when because the second she turned on that TV, people started asking about you. 

***

“Morning,” Spencer said. 

“Morning,” Prentiss replied. 

“Fun night pretty boy?” Morgan said. 

“You could say that,” Spencer said with a smile. 

“Where is Ella anyway?” Morgan asked. 

“She had to go to work early today.”

Emily stepped away to take a phone call. 

***

As you watched her on the screen, you could hear your phone ring in Ella’s hand. Fear washed over you. 

***

“Hey, have any of you seen Y/N? She went back to mind last night but I haven’t heard from her since,” Emily said. 

“Last I saw her she was with you guys. What happened last night anyway?” Spencer asked. 

“Yeah, we should… talk about that,” Emily told him. 

Hotch walked by and gave Emily a nod. “Conference room, now. It’s important.”

***

You watched your friends walk off the screen, praying that the important news Hotch had to tell them was about your absence. 

“Wanna see some more?” 

“Ella, why? Why are you doing this? What’s the point?”

“You need to see that Spencer doesn’t care about you anymore,” she said. 

You shook your head. “You’re delusional.”

“Watch,” she said as the video switched to the conference room view. 

***  
“We need to talk,” Hotch said, shutting the door and then the blinds. 

Emily stood up and walked next to him and Derek did the same. 

“Y/N figured something out last night, something that probably explains her disappearance now,” Hotch said. 

“She solved the cold case from Baltimore a few months ago, but what she found was… not ideal,” Emily said. 

“Before we say anything, we need all of you to know that there is a ton of evidence to prove her theory. She wasn’t just grasping at straws here,” Derek said. 

“That’s what the note was for,” JJ whispered. 

“What? What note?” Spencer asked. 

JJ looked at her teammates standing at the head of the room before turning to Spencer. “Last night, Y/N asked me to get a handwriting sample from Ella. She was panicked over the phone, but I did what she asked,” JJ said. She turned to the front of the room again. “That’s what it was for right? Evidence?” 

Hotch nodded his head. “I didn’t know. She called me last night, but I had already gone to bed. Prentiss and Morgan filled me in early this morning.”

Spencer’s mind was racing. That was impossible. There’s no way what they were suggesting was true. 

“No,” he whispered. “No!” He yelled, slamming his fist on the table. Even you jumped a little at that. “No, that’s not possible. It’s not her, okay. Y/N is wrong. She’s wrong and she probably just overslept or something. That’s why she didn’t pick up. Ella is not the unsub!”

“Kid, I understand you’re in denial right now, but you need to calm down,” Derek said. 

“Don’t tell me to clam down. I am calm. It’s not her,” Spencer said as he stormed out of the room. 

***

“See, I told you,” Ella said. “He’s protecting me.” She pointed to herself as she spoke. 

“Do you want a trophy, Ella? Do you want some prize?”

“That’s exactly what I want. Spencer is my trophy, my prize. I’m giving him the ultimate test. You… or me,” she said. 

“Why’d you do what you did in Baltimore?”

“What?” She asked. 

“Why’d you do it? Why go after these women in committed relationships?”

“Not that it’s your business, but I have a type. I guess you could call it… taken,” she said with a devilish smile. 

“So, a two-year relationship was enough for you to tear us apart? All your other victims were… were married, or engaged, or something!” You yelled, stuttering as your mind raced to form thoughts. 

Ella chuckled. “That’s a story for another time,” she said. 

“Why’d you kill them? The women.”

“Because their husbands didn’t give me what I wanted. You, on the other hand, did. Hence, why our doctor is still alive.” 

“If you can’t have them, no one can,” you said under you breath. 

“Bingo.”

“Classis superiority complex, Ella. Try to be more original next time,” you said. 

“Hey! Don’t try to profile me.”

You rolled your eyes and started scanning the room, trying to find something, anything that you could use to hurt her. 

Suddenly, your phone started ringing. At least, you thought it was your phone. 

Ella picked up the phone and checked who was calling. She showed you the screen and your stomach flipped. 

She didn’t answer the call, but thirty seconds later, her own phone started ringing, and it was the same person calling. 

This time, she answered. She walked over to you, holding the knife to your throat as she picke dup the phone. 

“Hey, you,” she said. 

“Hey, El. This is going to sound really weird, but have you seen Y/N?”

“Oh yeah! She came down to the office to talk about the case,” she said. 

“So, she’s with you? And you’re both at the Baltimore police headquarters?” Spencer asked. 

“Yeah. Why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, we just got a little worried looking for her. Is there any chance I could talk to her?”

“Oh, she’s a little busy right now honey. But I’m sure you’ll se her soon,” Ella said. 

“Okay,” Spencer said. He paused for a minute before speaking again. “I love you.”

“I love you too baby, mwah.”

You bit your lip wanting to tell him how much you loved him. 

“See, Y/N. He always picks me,” Ella said. 

You hung your head as blood continued to trickle down your arm and now your neck. 

***

You didn’t know how long had passed. All you knew was that you had three cuts now, two bruises, your head injury, and the injuries from your restraints. 

Your breathing was labored and shallow. You couldn’t see anything, which made you think it must be dark out now since the little sliver of light from before had disappeared. 

You heard a door open and Ella appeared in front of you. 

“What did you tell him?” She said. 

“What? Who?”

“Spencer! What did you tell him?” She yelled. 

“How could I have told him anything? I’ve been locked up in here the whole time!”

“No, no you must’ve said something, done something. Because I know he didn’t call to break up with me out of the blue like that,” she said, waving her knife around. 

“Maybe he realized what a terrible person you are,” you said. 

She ran up to you with the knife, and you could swear she almost killed you, but she didn’t. She stopped herself, opting for a stab in your upper arm. 

Suddenly, her phone started ringing. 

“What do you want?” She said. 

“I want to talk to Y/N. I know she’s there with you,” Spencer said. 

You were relieved to hear his voice, although you didn’t know if that was good or bad right now. 

“I want video, Ella. Now,” he said. 

She obliged. “You have one minute,” she told you. 

“Y/N!” Spencer exclaimed. 

“Spencer,” you sobbed. At the sight of his face, you couldn’t control yourself as the waterworks took over. 

“Are you okay? What’s going on?” He asked. 

Ella held the knife to your throat again. “Uh uh. Keep it simple,” she said. 

“It’s okay Spencer. I’m fine,” you said. 

“Y/N where are you? Garcia has your location narrowed down to only a specific area but we can’t get more precise,” he said. 

Ella came close to your ear again. “If you tell him a single thing, I’ll kill you and him. Say no to everything.”

“Y/N? Are you in a warehouse?”

“No.”

“Are you on a farm? Where are you?”

“No. I’m not on a farm.”

Your heart dropped as you realized you didn’t know where you were. You couldn’t help your team find you even if you wanted to. 

The only thing you knew was that you were somewhere underground. The angle of the light during the day suggested that. 

“Do you know where you are?” He asked. 

“No.”

“Are you underground?”

“No.”

Spencer paused. “Are you in a house somewhere?”

“No.”

“Okay. We’re gonna find you I promise,” he said. 

“Time’s up,” Ella said, hanging up the phone. 

***

Another couple of hours went by, or so you thought. Your brain was all fuzzy and you had no concept of time outside of day and night. 

The sound of the door busting down was enough to snap you out of the exhaustion coma you were falling into. 

“Y/N?”

“Derek? I’m in here!” You yelled. 

Your vision blurred as you saw a figure come around to your front side. 

“Hey, we’re gonna get you out of here, okay? I promise,” he said as he began to remove your restraints. 

Your head started to fall to the side and your eyes began to close. 

“No, no, no, hey, come on. Stay with me, okay? Stay with me,” he said. “I need a medic!”

He stopped when he heard the click of a gun. 

“Hands up behind your head,” Ella said. 

Derek stood up, turning to face her. 

“Okay Ella. Let’s think about this alright?”

“I wanna speak to Spencer,” she said, getting straight to the point. 

“That’s not gonna happen,” Derek said. 

“I wanna speak to Spencer,” she repeated before training her gun on you, “or I shoot her.”

“Okay, okay. I’m just gonna call him using this mic, okay?” Morgan lowered one hand to reach his communication unit. “Reid, I’m gonna need you in here.”

“Back up. Up against that wall,” Ella said pushing Derek back to the wall on your right. 

You heard footsteps as Spencer entered the room. 

“Ella,” he said, his gun trained on her. “Please don’t make me shoot you.”

“Gun down. Vest off,” she said. Spencer looked at her, not moving. “Now!”

“Okay, okay,” he said. He placed his gun on the floor and removed his FBI Kevlar vest. 

Ella kicked the gun to the side and put on the vest. 

“Let’s just talk about this, okay? I know you don’t want to hurt us,” Spencer said. 

You tried to move your arms. Morgan had gotten you out of the restraints before Ella showed up, but you were too weak to move. The blood from your injured arm had started to pool beneath you. 

“On your knees,” she said. Spencer fell to his knees, making him at your eye level. She tied his hands behind his back. 

“Why are you doing this Ella? Because if you loved me, you wouldn’t do that,” Spencer said. 

“I’m doing this because you love her,” Ella said. 

Spencer turned to look at you. You were barely able to meet his eyes as yours started to roll back in your head. 

Derek kicked you and your eyes widened again. “Sorry,” he whispered. 

Spencer turned back to face Ella. “Okay, so you’re mad at me. I get that. Let them go, and we can talk about this,” he said. 

“No. No. She stays. He does too,” Ella said. 

“Okay.”

Ella looked at him. “I want you to tell her,” she said. 

Your eyes opened a little more. 

“I want you to tell her why I did this to you,” Ella said. 

Spencer looked at you and you met his gaze, a confused expression taking over. 

“Come on Spencer! Tell her. Tell her how I found it. How you keep it with you all the time, months after breaking up. Go on, tell her!” Ella yelled. 

He turned to face you again. 

“Y/N…” he started. 

Ella trained her gun on him. 

“That, um, that night. The night we, you know. The night with the rose petals and the candles…” he said. You nodded your head at him to show him you were listening. “I, uh, I planned all of that because, well because uh… because I was gonna propose,” he said. 

Your eyes widened as a tear fell. You managed to croak out a sentence for the first time in a while. “You were gonna propose?” You whispered. 

“Yeah,” he replied, matching your whisper. 

“Yeah, yeah, love story. That’s why I went after you. I go after people I deserve. People in committed relationships that don’t deserve their partners,” she said. “You don’t deserve him, Y/N. That’s why I chose you. He was gonna propose to someone who doesn’t even value him.”

You looked down, unable to meet Spencer’s gaze. You heard a rustling outside, which apparently Ella heard too. 

She grabbed you by your hair off the ground and walked over to the door, the gun pointed at you back. 

“Don’t shoot, or you’ll lose an agent,” she yelled. 

Hotch appeared out of thin air, or so it seemed. “Put down the gun, Ella,” he said. 

Ella back away, taking you wish her as Hotch entered the room, or wherever you were. 

Out of the corner of your eye you could see Spencer cutting his rope using a piece of glass from the floor. You saw Derek inching towards Spencer’s gun that Ella had kicked away. 

You held your breath knowing what was about to go down. You knew what you had to do. You locked eyes with Hotch before putting all your strength into elbowing Ella. 

She yelped and shoved you to the side. Your head was spinning, and you couldn’t keep your footing as you spun out of control and into Spencer. 

Luckily, he’d finished cutting his ropes off and caught you just in the nick of time. 

“I got you,” he said into your hair as he caught you. “You okay?” 

All you could manage was a whimper as Derek grabbed the gun from the floor and pointed it at Ella. Hotch kept his gun trained on her. 

Spencer wrapped his arms around you, pulling you away from the standoff. You wanted to enjoy his embrace but all you could focus on were the guns pointed in every direction. 

You inhaled sharply as Ella shifted the position of her gun to yours and Spencer’s direction. Spencer stepped in front of you, his arms holding you behind him. 

Your hands were shaking, blood was everywhere, and you could tell you were ice cold. Your breathing was shallow as you watched their behavior to see who would pull the trigger first. 

“Put it down Ella. You’re outnumbered,” Derek said. 

Ella looked around desperately before putting the gun down. She turned to face you and Spencer. “Why can’t you choose me?” She asked. 

Hotch pulled her arms behind her back and took out his handcuffs as you saw something shimmer. 

“Knife!” You yelled. Hotch dropped the handcuffs as she tried to run. Derek ran at her, full force and slammed her to the ground. 

You almost smiled before you saw the blood pooling on his shirt. “Oh god,” you whispered. Hotch called for another medic as he handcuffed Ella and led her away. 

“Morgan,” Spencer said, running over to him. 

“Hey, you’re gonna be fine, okay?” Spencer said as he put pressure on the wound. 

A medic rolled in as they lifted Derek onto a stretcher. After his left, another one came in for you. 

As you rolled out on the stretcher, you saw your friends faces. JJ wiped away tears when she saw you. Emily stopped biting her nails. Rossi made a joke about pasta. And Penelope was… Penelope. She tried to attack you with a hug before you even made it into the ambulance. 

As they hooked you up to the IV bag and took some preliminary measurements, Spencer entered the truck. 

“Hey,” he said softly. 

“Hi,” you whispered. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Spencer reached out to hold your hand, and you intertwined your fingers. You took a deep breath, your first in a long time. You looked at Spencer, tears rolling down your face. 

“I’m sorry, Spence,” you said. 

“Shh… we can talk about all of this later. For now, just, rest, okay?” He said. 

You nodded your head and took another breath before closing your eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, here's the next part. Almost done with the fic I can't believe it. Enjoyyy

It had been a week since you were released from the hospital. 

Today was your first day of work since then. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror. Most of your cuts were almost gone and your bruising was minimal. The emotional toll was a different story but physically you’d be allowed back in the field starting today. 

“You almost read?”

“Yeah, just a minute.”

You heard footsteps enter the bathroom. “How you feelin’?” Emily asked. 

“I’m good. I’m ready,” you said. 

“You sure? Because you don’t have to go back today. Hotch said you could take as much time as you need.”

“It’s okay, Em. I’m good. I’m ready,” you said. 

Maybe if you repeated it enough times it would start to feel true. 

***

When you and Emily got to the BAU, you were swarmed by love from your coworkers. 

“Oh, god, Y/N, hi!” Garcia yelled as she ran to give you a hug. “How are you? Do you need anything? I left some donuts on your desk.”

“I’m fine Pen, thank you,” you said, hugging her back. 

“Hey, how are you!” JJ asked, giving you a hug and a peck on your cheek. 

“I’m good. Much better,” you said. 

“Good, I’m glad. I’ll let you get back to it,” JJ said. 

You gave her a small smile and Emily gave you a pat on your back before heading to her own desk. 

Hotch came out of his office and said, “Y/N, it’s good to see you.”

You smiled at him and then turned to Rossi who had come down from his office. 

“Hey, you don’t look as limp as pasta now,” he said, making another joke. He kissed both your cheeks and gave you a pat on the back before heading back upstairs. 

You finally had a second to put your bag down before Morgan came up to you. 

“Hey,” he said with a quick hug. 

“Hi,” you said. “How are you?”

“Ah, what’s a little stab you know. What about you?”

“I’m good. I’m good,” you said with a smile. 

“You sure? You know, it’s okay to not come back-,”

“I know. Emily told me the same thing. But I’m okay, really. Besides, I could tell you the same thing,” you said. 

“Yeah right,” he said with a chuckle. “But if you need to talk about what happened, I’m here,” he said with another hug. 

“Thank you.”’

You looked to your left and saw Spencer sitting at his desk, his tongue sticking out as he was deep in thought. 

You got up to go to the kitchen, preparing two cups of coffee. 

When you were done, you brought them to his desk. 

“Hey,” you said, placing the cup down. 

“Hey, you,” he said. “How you feelin’?”

“I’m good,” you said with a deep breath. 

“Y/N-,”  
“How come you didn’t come say ‘hi’ to me like everyone else?” You asked, cutting him off before he could say anything. 

Spencer recognized your tone and changed his response. “Because I’m special.”

“Oh, are you?” You said, laughing. 

“You brought me coffee, didn’t you?” Spencer said as he took a sip. 

“Touché doctor.”

Spencer smiled at you. The tension just hung in the air for a bit before you finally decided to speak. 

“So, uh, what did I miss?” You asked. 

Spencer shook his head. “Not much. Lot of paperwork but no cases. We all kind of split up the pile on your desk.”

“Oh,” you said, turning to look at your seat. “Thanks.”

“Of course. It felt like you could use a break,” he said. 

You chuckled a bit. Spencer looked down at his coffee and then back up at you. 

You rocked back and forth on the heels of your feet, tapping the cup in your hand. 

“So, I guess my day is free now,” you said. “You know, since you guys did all my cases.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Here, you can take half of my stack,” Spencer said, handing you a pile of folders. 

You looked at him with a face of disbelief. 

“I’m kidding,” he said. 

You let out a laugh. “Good because that is way too many.”

“What… you don’t wanna help out a friend?” He asked, giving you the cutest puppy dog eyes, you’d ever seen. Still, you couldn’t help but focus on what he said. 

Friend. 

“No, uh, I didn’t say that. I just didn’t want to do the work by myself,” you said. 

“Then grab a chair,” he said with a smile. 

***

The two of you worked tirelessly through the night. It felt like old times. You were about seven cups of coffee in when you got to the last case. 

“Last one. You ready?” Spencer asked you. 

“Ugh, yes,” you said. 

“Hey, you want some dinner?” Spencer asked. 

“Uh, sure. What were you thinking?” You replied. 

“I don’t know. Maybe Chinese?”

“Didn’t we just have Chinese like a week ago?”

“Right,” Spencer said. 

Silence fell over you two again as the awkwardness of the dinner a week ago sat in the air. 

“Pizza?” You suggested. 

“Sure. Pizza’s good,” he said. “I’ll call them.”

You gave him a thumbs up before returning to the case. You recognized it immediately. Not because you wanted to, but because it was about you.

You took a shaky breath and opened the file. 

You saw the pictures and immediately felt sick to your stomach. Your mind flashbacked to the room you were tortured in. 

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest and your head start to spin. 

“Okay, pizza’s ordered,” Spencer said, walking back to you. 

“Great,” you said, weakly. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

You tried to keep your calm as you ran to the bathroom. You shoved open the door of a stall and threw yourself over the toilet. 

Your chest started heaving as you held your hair back. You closed your eyes as tears rolled down your face. 

You put your back against the side of the stall as you ran your shaking hand through your hair. 

You flushed the toiler and got out of the stall. You stopped in your tracks when you saw a pair of feet you weren’t expecting. 

“I’m fine,” you said, pushing past him as you headed to the sink. 

“You’re not.”

“Yes, I am. It was just some food poisoning.”

“From what food? You haven’t eaten all day.”

You shot him a look, your chest rising and falling as you stared at him before biting your lip and turning back to the sink. 

“Come on, do you think I don’t notice that stuff? You’ve had nothing but coffee the whole day,” he said. 

You wiped your face and rinsed your mouth before heading to the paper towels, using a few to dry yourself. 

“Come on, we should finish that case paperwork,” you said, reaching for the door. 

Spencer grabbed your arm. “Don’t do that.”

You turned to face him, and you saw the tears forming in his eyes. “Don’t do what, Spencer?”

“Don’t push me away,” he whispered. His hand had shifted down to yours, your fingertips holding your hands together. 

You blinked back tears and inhaled sharply. “Come on,” you whispered, pulling him out of the bathroom and back to the bullpen. 

***

Once you guys were back at Spencer’s desk, you could feel him looking at you. 

“Stop it,” you said. 

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“It’s a free country,” he said. 

“Not here it isn’t. Hand me that picture,” you said, not taking your eyes off the report. 

He reached out and placed the picture in front of you. You picked it up without looking at it and when your eyes finally landed on it, you inhale sharply. 

“Not this picture,” you whispered. 

“Something wrong?” Spencer asked. 

“Not this picture,” you said again firmly. 

“Why not just do it now? You’re gonna need it eventually.”

“Because I want to do it in a certain order.” You said, looking for the picture you were actually pointing to. 

“The order doesn’t matter, Y/N.”

“It does to me.”

“Because you like things done a certain way?” Spencer asked, pulling the picture you were looking for out from behind his back. “Or because you want to pick and choose what you remember?”

You clenched your jaw and stared at him and he stared back. Both your eyes glistened with intensity, neither one of you willing to back down. 

Eventually, you grabbed the picture from his hand and added it to the report. He continued looking at you and you could feel his gaze intensifying. 

You were lucky the pizza showed up when it did. 

***

“Thank you,” you heard Spencer say. 

“Got the pizza,” he said. 

“Great.”

“You wanna take a break?”

“Not really.”

“Come on, Y/N. Take a break. It’s just to eat,” he argued. 

You sighed and reluctantly closed the file. 

“Wanna eat in the conference room?” You asked. 

Spencer nodded his head and carried the pizza in there with you walking in front to open the door. 

You closed the door as Spencer set the pizza down on the ground. 

“Wait, I didn’t tell you what kind I wanted,” you said before flipping the box open. 

“Try me,” Spencer said with a smile. 

And sure enough, he was right. You opened both boxes, one of which had pineapple on the pizza, the other with mushrooms and olives, your two favorites. 

“Told you,” he teased. 

You smiled as you took some slices for yourself before passing the box over. 

“Good call on the pizza,” Spencer said. 

“Thanks,” you laughed. 

The two of you ate in silence for a little while, just enjoying each other’s presence. It was only when you heard Spencer nervously tapping on the ground that you realized what was to come. 

“Okay, what is it?” You asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re doing that thing where you subconsciously tap on whatever surface is nearby when you’re nervous.”

“I don’t do that,” Spencer said innocently. 

“Yes, you do. You tap out your name in morse code every time. How far you get dictates how nervous you are, and you just got to the ‘L’ in ‘Walter’.”

Spencer looked at you, amazed. His face quickly dropped when he spoke next. “I, uh, I think we should talk.”

“Uhm, about what?”

“You know, everything.”

“Define everything,” you said, your heart rate increasing. 

Spencer picked at his fingernails. “Do you, uh, do you remember when I called Ella, the first time, I mean, and, uh, I spoke her?” He asked. 

“Vividly,” you said, slightly sarcastically. 

Spencer paused. “I knew she had you. I was trying to keep her distracted long enough for Garcia to pinpoint your location.”

“Oh. Well, thanks,” you said. 

“Do you remember when I was asking you all those questions about where you were but you kept saying ‘no’ to everything?”

“Yeah. She told me she’d kill you… I mean, us, if I didn’t.”

“Do you know how we found you?”

You shook your head. 

“When I asked if you were underground, you said ‘no’ but your eyes shifted to the right,” he said. 

“Good catch,” you replied. 

“Thanks,” he whispered. “You know-,”

“What are you doing, Spencer? Why are we talking about this?”

“Because you need to talk to someone about what happened. I mean, you were tortured, Y/N.”

“I’ve been tortured for the last 6 months,” you said in a small voice. 

“Why the last 6 months?” Spencer asked. You shot him a look and his eyes met the ground again. “Oh,” he whispered. 

A tear fell down your face and Spencer moved closer to you. He tilted your chin so you were facing each other. 

He looked at you for a second before wiping away your tear. 

You inhaled sharply before opening your mouth. “Sorry, umm, I just… I need a second.” You got up and walked out of the conference room. 

You went to your desk and grabbed the note you had shoved there all those months ago. You unfolded it, reading and rereading it as a tear dropped onto the paper. 

“What is that?” Spencer asked, appearing behind you. 

You sniffled and cleared your throat. “Uh, this… is the note I got 6 months ago. The one telling me to break up with you,” you said. 

“Can I see it?” He asked. 

You turned to face him, handing him the slip of paper. 

“’Break up or he’d dead.’ That’s direct,” he said. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. 

“When did you get it?”

“The day before the case with Ella. When I checked the mail, it was there.”

“But you didn’t break up with me until we were already on that case,” he said. 

“I know. I, uh, I tried to ignore it. But… then I got a phone call-,”

“The next morning. I remember, you said it was just a telemarketer.”

You nodded your head. “It wasn’t. It was Ella telling me that I only had 12 hours left.”

“She gave you a time limit?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, nodding your head. “And when I tried to tell you about the note later that day, she had someone shoot at us,” you said, biting your lip. 

“That’s what that was,” Spencer said, the realization obvious in his voice. 

“Yeah,” you cried. “That’s when I knew I had to do it. I got another phone call right before I said it.”

“What’d she say?” He whispered. 

You swallowed the emotions caught in your throat and closed your eyes before taking a deep breath. You opened them and said, “She said her next shot wouldn’t miss.”

Spencer looked at you as you tried to avoid his gaze. You stared at the ground. “I didn’t cheat on you, Spence.”

“I know. I mean, I know that now.”

“I never would’ve done that to you. That is… the last think I ever would’ve done but it was the first thing that popped into my head, I don’t know why,” you said, your voice growing quieter with each word. 

“I know. I know,” Spencer said, pulling you into a hug. 

You wrapped your arms around him as you let out a sob. Spencer pulled you in closer as he stroked your hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whispered. 

“Don’t be. You only did what you thought you had to do.”

You pulled away from him and wiped your tears away. You sniffled before letting out a small laugh. 

You bit your lip before turning to head back over to the case file. 

You stopped in your tracks when Spencer spoke. “You know when I told Ella I loved her that day?”

You turned to face him. “Yeah, I remember. You paused first which I thought was weird-,”

“I wasn’t talking to her,” he said, cutting you off. 

“What?”

“I wasn’t talking to her. I paused so I could tell if you were in the room. I heard the chains rattle so I just… said it. I needed you to hear it, you know… just in case.” He started picking at his fingernails as your heartbeat quickened. 

You took a few stopped toward him, your eyes searching his for some sign that what he said was a lie. When you found none, you did the only thing you could think of; you let your body take over.

You cupped his face with your hands and pulled him into a kiss. It was soft but passionate. It was as if the last six months without each other had come to fruition in this one moment. 

Spencer stopped picking at his nails. His arms wrapped around you as his hands snaked up your back and into your hair. 

You pulled back for a moment, your eyes flicking between his and you stared at each other, breathing heavily. 

“Tell me to stop,” you whispered. 

“Never,” Spencer said as he shook his head the slightest bit. This time, he leaned in, pulling your hair as he brought you closer to him. 

It wasn’t long before you were ripping off each other’s clothes. Spencer’s kisses trailed down from your jaw to your neck as he removed your blouse. 

You removed the jacket he’d been wearing with his suit and ripped open his shirt. You traced his chest with your fingers before kissing him again, leaving no place untouched. 

***

The two of you sat up against a desk, breathing heavily. His jacket sat across your body to keep you warm. Spencer had his arm around you as you rested your head and hand on his chest. 

“Haven’t done that in a while,” he said with a laugh. 

“No, we have not,” you said smiling. You turned to face him and gave him another quick kiss. 

You looked at his eyes again, his beautiful, big, brown eyes. 

“You know I love you right?” You asked. 

“Well after that, I’d hope so,” he said laughing again. 

You smiled at him before putting your head back on his chest. 

“But yeah… I know,” he said, kissing the top of your head again. 

***

The next morning, you and Spencer were the first ones there, naturally. 

You’d already begun your work by the time everyone else arrived. You turned to your left and met his eyes, smiling before you turned back to your desk. 

“Someone’s chipper this morning,” Derek said as he walked in. 

You looked at Spencer again. 

“Oh, snap,” Derek said stopping in his tracks. “Did I just see what I think I just saw?”

“No,” you said. 

“I think I did,” he said laughing. “About damn time.”

“Shut up,” you said, throwing a paper clip at him. 

“What’s going on here?” JJ asked, walking into the bullpen. 

“Nothing,” you said, shooting Morgan a look. 

“Agent Y/L/N and our doctor got hot and heavy last night,” Derek said, laughing again. 

“Oh?” JJ said, her eyebrows raised. 

You smiled to yourself again, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. 

Spencer got up from his desk and walked over. He leaned against your desk as you still tried to avoid his gaze. 

You heard Derek and JJ snickering off to your right, so you covered one side of your face with your hand and lifted your head to lock eyes with Spencer. 

You wrinkled your nose and smiled at him. He took his hand out of his pocket and put it on your desk. You slowly inched your hand over to meet his, only a few of your fingers interlocking. He smiled at you before heading back to his own desk. 

You looked down again as he walked away, picking at your nails. 

“Conference room. We’ve got a new case,” Hotch said as he walked from his office to the conference room. 

Everyone got out of their seats and headed over. You followed Derek and JJ up the steps until you felt something on your back. It sent a shiver down your spine as you turned and saw Spencer behind you. He looked at you and you smiled before turning back around. You felt his hand on the small of your back all the way to the conference room. 

Once you all entered the room, everyone took their seats. 

Spencer sat down next to you and you could see Derek smiling at you from the corner of your eye. 

You sighed and looked at the case file that was placed in front of you. 

“2 murders, 2 days, 0 DNA found at either crime scene,” Hotch said. 

“Do we have an idea on the victimology?” You asked. 

“Both women that were killed look similar so we’re thinking surrogates,” Hotch said. 

“You know, it might be that the unsub is targeting these women for a reason. One’s an incident, two’s a coincidence, and three’s a patter so we actually don’t have enough information to determine whether these women are surrogates or not,” Spencer said. 

You turned to smile at him as JJ stifled another laugh. 

“What… is happening?” Hotch asked. 

“Nothing,” you said. 

“You’re really gonna try lying to a room full of profilers?” Rossi asked, walking into the room. 

“Sorry I’m late guys. Y/N, you never came back last night. What happened?” Emily asked. 

“Oh I was just helping Reid with his cases,” you said. 

Rossi stared at you. Hotch did too. Emily raised her eyebrows. Derek and JJ were biting their fists to keep from laughing. 

“What?” You asked. 

“Holy smokes guess what I have a copy of!” Garcia said, running into the room squealing. “Oh… Reid, Y/L/N… hello,” she said. 

“Oh god,” you whispered. You put your head in your hands as you felt Spencer put his hand on your thigh. 

“You got video?” Derek asked, leaping out of his seat. 

“This is a federal building, of course I got video!” Garcia yelled. 

“Oh man. I know how I’m spending my night,” Derek said, fist bumping JJ. 

“I cannot believe this,” Hotch said. 

“Shouldn’t we be focusing on this case?” Spencer asked. 

“Yes, thank you. Let’s do that,” you said. 

“Oh… my… god,” Rossi said. “Unbelievable.”

Emily looked at you, smiling. “I’m just glad it finally happened,” she said. 

“Hey, I was the closest!” Garcia yelled. 

“No way, I guessed last week!” Derek said. 

“And I guessed next week!” Penelope said. 

“Actually, I believe I was the closest,” Hotch said. “I said tomorrow.”

“What on earth are you guys talking about?” You asked. 

You wished you hadn’t, but then again, you were glad you did. 

“We, uh, made a bet on when this,” Emily said, pointing between the two of you, “was going to start up again.” 

“You did what?” You asked. 

Spencer gripped your thigh a little harder and you almost choked on air. 

“How could you guys do that?” You questioned. 

“Well, it’s simple. We guessed, we put money in a bowl, and we shook on it,” Derek said. 

Suddenly, Spencer got up from his seat and stormed out of the room. 

Everyone fell silent as they looked at you. “Aren’t you gonna go after him?” JJ asked. 

“Are you guys gonna be adults about it?” You rebutted before getting out of your seat. 

You walked out of the room and down the stairs back to the bullpen to look for Spencer. 

When you didn’t find him there, you tried the kitchen, and when you still didn’t find him, you went to the file room. 

“Spence?” You called. 

“Back here,” he replied. You found him sitting on the ground in the back corner of the room. 

“Hey, you okay?” You slid down with your back against the wall, meeting him on the ground. 

He nodded. 

“Come on, those are just our friends being themselves. They were just joking,” you said, putting your hand on his arm. 

Suddenly, he grabbed your face and smashed his lips against yours. You could feel your lips being bruised but you didn’t care. You lost your balance for a second before he pinned you against the wall, one hard now on you waist, the other on you neck. 

You moaned slightly before pulling away, your breathing heavy. “What’s this for?” You asked. 

“I’m not upset they bet on us. I just needed an excuse to get us out of there,” he said. 

You laughed to yourself. “Spencer Reid, you are one of a kind,” you said, panting. 

“I know,” he said, and he pressed his lips against yours again. 

***

Again, the two of you sat against a wall, your chests rising and falling. 

“The bullpen and the file room. You starting a list or something? Trying to give Garcia more videos?” You asked. 

Spencer laughed. “Hey, I didn’t start the one in the bullpen.”

“You didn’t stop it either,” you said, smiling. 

“True.”

The two of you sat there for a minute before you moved to get up. 

“Come on, they’re all gonna be wondering where we are,” you said, stretching your hand out. 

“Who cares, they know what the answer is.”

“True, but we do have a case,” you said. 

Spencer groaned. “Fine. I guess that’s a good reason to get up.”

He took your hand and the two of you quickly got dressed before heading out. 

You poked your head out of the file room to see if anyone was watching and then quietly slipped out of the room. Spencer followed a few steps behind. 

Once you reentered the conference room, everyone’s faces turned to look at you. 

The two of you took your seats and Hotch began talking again. “Right, now that that’s over with, as I was saying the most likely guess is that these women are surrogates although we don’t know that for sure, as Reid pointed out.”

You felt a nudge against your arm. You turned to face Spencer who dropped his gaze to his dangling hand. You smiled and dropped your hand down to his level. You felt his fingers intertwine with yours and before you knew it, your hand rested in his. 

“Any signs of forced entry?” Emily asked. 

“None but the victims did have defensive wounds,” Hotch replied. 

“Best guess is that they let the unsub in, tried to defend themselves when he attacked. He probably didn’t have a way to subdue them,” Rossi said. 

“Well whatever the case, we’re expected in Atlanta before midday so wheels up in one hour,” Hotch said. 

Spencer squeezed your hand before letting go to stand up. Derek walked over to you as everyone headed out of the room. 

“You missed a button,” he whispered before snickering and leaving the room. 

You looked down at your blouse and rolled your eyes. You had indeed missed a button.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is the last chapter omg! I can't believe this fic is over but I hope you all enjoyed it. Cheers to chapter sevennnn

The rumble of the jet was the only thing you could hear. It was quiet as everyone slept after a long day. You stared out the window of the plane, your mind wandering. 

“Hey,” Spencer said, sitting next to you. 

“Hi,” you said with a small smile. You turned to look out the window again. Spencer didn’t say anything else. He just laced your fingers together and opened his book. The silence between you two was comfortable for the first time in a really long time, and it felt nice. 

Occasionally one of you would turn to look at the other, your eyes meeting, and a small smile being exchanged. But really it was uneventful. You just sat there, enjoying the calm. 

***

“I could use so many shots of vodka right now and I wasn’t even there,” Garcia said as you all reentered the bullpen. 

“Amen sister,” Emily said. 

“Wanna go?” Garcia asked. 

Emily considered for a moment before nodding her head. “What about the rest of you? You in?” She asked. 

“Yeah alright. I could use some letting loose,” Morgan said. 

“I’ll come but I am not driving again,” JJ said as she laughed. 

“Sorry guys. Jack,” Hotch said as he waved goodnight. 

“I’ll drive, and drinks are on me,” Rossi said. 

Everyone cheered as Morgan fist bumped JJ. 

You turned to Spencer. “Wanna go?” You asked. 

“Do you wanna go?” He asked, turning the question back on you. 

“I don’t care what I do, as long as I’m with you,” you said. 

He gave you a small laugh. “Okay, let’s go.”

“We’re in!” You said. 

“Aww… you said we,” Garcia said. 

“Oh shush,” you laughed. 

***

Once you were at the bar, JJ ordered another round of shots. You were almost at your limit but you didn’t want to stop. 

You sat with your back pressed against the booth, Spencer’s arm draped over your shoulder. 

“Okay, okay, let’s play a game,” Garcia said. 

“Never have I ever?” Emily suggested. 

“Yes, great idea.” Garcia replied. “Okay never have I ever had sex with another member of this team.”

You and Spencer stared at Garcia as she dissolved into a fit of giggles. You both took a sip as everyone smiled. “Worth it,” Spencer said. 

“Okay, umm never have I ever had sex at the office,” Emily said. 

Again, the two of you rolled your eyes before sipping your drinks, everyone else’s remaining untouched. 

“My turn! Never have I ever choked or been choked during sex,” JJ said. It was a shot in the dark, but someone she still didn’t miss. 

Everyone was looking around the table. You stared at your drink for a second before looking out of the corner of your eye. You saw Spencer doing the same thing before his hand closed around his glass. You smiled to yourself before you grabbed your drink and took a sip. 

“No way!” Garcia yelled. 

“Spencer Reid. I didn’t know you had it in your,” Derek said. 

“The real question is who does what,” Rossi said. 

“What do you think?” Spencer said, egging your team members on. 

They all sat for a minute, looking at the both of you. Derek finally spoke up for the group saying, “you get choked, she does the choking.”

You turned to face Spencer before turning back to your friends. 

“Well?” Derek said. 

You wrinkled your nose before saying, “guess again.” 

Everyone erupted in shock. You don’t know why they found it difficult to believe Spencer dominated. But then again, they didn’t know him the way you did. 

JJ put her head in her hands, not sure whether she was glad or not that she had said what she did. 

You let out a small laugh as Spencer moved his hand to the back of your neck, slowly massaging it. 

The game went on like that for another couple of minutes before you and Spencer were out of drinks. It was clear your friends had targeted you but you didn’t really mind. You weren’t ashamed of anything. 

About three shots later, everyone started to lose it. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to get all of you into my car,” Rossi said, sipping his water. 

He got up to go pull his car around as JJ and Emily grabbed their things. Rossi was taking you home in shifts and they were up first. 

“Wait, how will I get into Emily’s apartment if she’s asleep and I don’t have a key?” You asked aloud. 

“Who said anything about Emily’s apartment?” Spencer asked. 

You turned to face him as he handed you a key. You recognized it instantly as it was the key you had returned to him many months ago. You smiled and put the key in your pocket. 

With just the two of you, Derek, and Penelope remaining, the vibe had died down. Now you were just four friends sipping drinks in a booth. 

“I’m so happy you guys are back together,” Garcia said. 

Your face dropped. Were you back together?

As Garcia put her head on Morgan’s shoulder and closer her eyes, you turned to Spencer. 

“Are we?” You asked. 

“Are we what?”

“Are we… back together?”

“Do you want to be back together?” He asked. 

“Of course I do, Spence, but I don’t want to force you into anything,” you said. 

“Y/N, I just gave you a key to my apartment. I think my stance on this is pretty clear,” he said, laughing. 

You smiled to yourself before resting your head on his shoulder, the same as Garcia. 

***

By the next time Rossi came, he picked up Penelope and Derek, leaving just you and Spencer at the booth. 

Your head was still sitting on his shoulder, your fingers intertwined. You didn’t move or speak much. Every once in a while, Spencer would turn to kiss your head but other than that, you just sat. 

You would’ve fallen asleep if Rossi hadn’t shown up when he did. 

“Alright you two, come on,” he said. You slid out of the booth and took Rossi’s hand to help you stand up as Spencer slid out after you. 

Rossi guided you to the door with Spencer’s hand on our back, supporting you so you didn’t fall over. 

Rossi put you in the back seat of his car and buckled you in. 

“I’ll sit the back, thanks,” you heard Spencer say as he climbed in next to you. 

You instantly laid across the seats in the back, your head resting on this lap. 

As Rossi drove, Spencer stroked your hair. If he was as drunk as you were, he did one hell of a job not showing it. 

In about twenty minutes you were shaken awake. 

“Hmm?” You said, your eyes still half closed. 

“Come on,” Spencer said. You sat up in the car and rubbed your eyes. Spencer came around to the other side of the car, the side closest to you, and opened the door. 

“Up you go,” he said grabbing your arms and lifting you out of the car. 

“You sure you guys will be okay?” Rossi asked. 

“We’ll be fine. Thanks Rossi,” Spencer said. 

You threw your arms around Rossi, giving him a hug as a ‘thank you’ before heading towards the apartment building door. 

You almost slipped on the stairs multiple times. If Spencer hadn’t been behind you, you probably would’ve fall down three flights. 

Once you got to the door you pulled out your key. You put it into the lock and tried to turn the knob. 

“You have to unlock the door first,” Spencer said. 

“Right,” you said. 

You tried to unlock the door and again turned the knob. 

“Want me to do it?”

“No, I got it,” you said. You fiddled around with the key some more before letting out a frustrated groan. 

“Y/N…,”

“I got it, Spencer,” you said firmly. 

He backed away from the door. 

“Sorry,” you said. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. He slowly approached the door again, putting his hands on top of yours. He moved to unlock the door and then turn the knob. The door swung open. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

“Anytime,” he said. 

The two of you entered the apartment as he shut the door behind you. 

It took everything in you not to just collapse onto the couch and sleep. 

Spencer came up behind you, taking your jacket off and putting it in the closet. 

“You want anything?” He asked. 

“You,” you said boldly. 

He laughed. “Very funny. Water? Coffee? Tea?”

“Tea sounds good,” you said. 

“Okay, I’ll put some on,” Spencer said. 

“I’m gonna go change,” you said. 

“Need any help?” He asked. 

“You wish,” you said, smiling. 

You walked into the bedroom to get changed before realizing you didn’t have any clothes with you. 

You poked your head out of the bedroom. “Hey, Spence? I just realized I didn’t bring any clothes,” you said. 

“Wanna wear mine?” He asked. 

“Sure,” you said. 

He walked into the bedroom and dug through the closet until he found some shorts and a t-shirt. Right before he closed the closet, something caught your eye. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You asked. 

“What?”

You walked over and picked up a t-shirt you saw sitting in one of the drawers. 

“You had this the whole time?” You asked, holding up the Star Trek shirt you had looked for when you were getting your things months ago. 

“Oh… that,” Spencer said. His hand rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I had it. I just… wanted to have something of yours. I know it was your favorite shirt, but it smelled like you and I just… I wanted to remember you with it,” he said awkwardly. 

You let out a small laugh. “You’re adorable,” you said. “I still have your shirt you know. The one from that night.”

“Oh really?” He asked, his eyebrows raised. 

“Yep.”

“And am I gonna get that back anytime soon?”

You feigned debating about your answer. “I don’t know. Am I ever gonna get this back?”

Spencer walked up to your and put his lips close to your ear. “Nope,” he whispered, before grabbing the shirt from your hands while you were still stunned. 

You tilted your head to look at him. “Well, there’s your answer then doctor,” you said. 

“Hurry up and get changed or this tea will get cold,” he said, shaking his head. 

He left the room and you quickly changed into a pair of his shorts and one of his shirts. Everything smelled like him and you felt the calmest you’d felt in a while. 

***

When you got back to the living room, you saw Spencer sitting on the couch with a book in his hand two cups of tea sitting on the table. 

“Smell’s good,” you said. 

“Yeah, well, it’s your favorite,” he said. 

“It’s your favorite too, silly,” you said remembering the time you told Emily about the peppermint green tea you and Spencer would drink. 

“Yeah, but I seem like a much better boyfriend if I bran it as yours,” he said, laughing. 

“True.”

You picked up a mug and sat on the couch next to him. You kept your hands wrapped around the warm mug. 

You and Spencer just sat in silence for a little bit. You found that happening more and more often, not because you were uncomfortable with each other, but because you were so comfortable you didn’t feel the need to speak all the time. 

Spencer closed his book and put it on the table. You turned to face him and he looked like he had something to say. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

He took a deep breath. “Do you… remember that night that we, uh, ran into each other in the hallways of the hotel?”

You stopped sipping your tea and put it down, turning to face him fully. 

“Yeah.”

“You said you couldn’t sleep, because you had a nightmare. Remember?”

“Yeah, Spence, I remember,” you said. 

He looked down at his hands for a second, his fingers playing with each other as his nervous energy spread throughout the room. 

“What was it about?”

“What?” You asked, taken aback by his direct question. 

“What was it about?”

You swallowed thickly and licked your lips before pursing them. “It was… it was about you. It was about you and how you were injured from the bullet grazing your temple,” you said, pointing to where his small scar used to be. 

“What happened it in?” He whispered. 

You took a deep breath and cleared your throat. “Uhm, we, uh, we were lying in bed together and I turned to face you. I brushed your hair out of your face and touched the bandage that was around your scar. Then, it just started… bleeding. It was bleeding through the gauze and the bandage and it was spreading fast,” you said, your voice trembling slightly. “After that, I woke up, screaming and covered in sweat,” you said quietly. 

“Oh,” Spencer said. You looked down at your hands, your fingers now playing with themselves as you tried to find something to do with them. 

Spencer put his hands on yours and you fingers stopped moving. You lifted your head so your eyes could meet his. 

You smiled at him before taking another deep breath. You cleared your throat again and wiped away the tear that had fallen down your cheek. 

“What was yours about?” You asked him. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You had a nightmare that night too. What was it about?” You asked. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Spencer said. 

“Spence-,”

“How about we watch a movie?” He said, cutting you off. 

“Okay,” you said in a small voice. 

Spencer hit play on whatever movie was already in his DVD player and the two of you just watched. 

You finished your tea and went to the kitchen to rinse out the mug. As you reached for the sponge, you felt hands wrap around your waist. 

“Come back to the couch,” Spencer said against your neck, his chin resting on your shoulder. 

“I’m coming I’m just washing this out first,” you said leaning away from him. 

“Forget that, just come back,” he said as he kissed your neck. 

“I only need another minute,” you said. 

Spencer groaned against your neck, still kissing it. 

You moaned softly and put the mug on the side of the sink, bringing your hand to his hair as he made his way down. 

Your fingers ran through his curls as you felt him sucking on your neck. 

“Spence, I’m gonna need to wear turtlenecks if you keep that up,” you said. 

“You look hot in turtlenecks,” he breathed. 

Your eyes rolled back in your head as he continued to work on your neck, never wavering. You could feel the bruise forming just as he pulled away. 

“Spence,” you whimpered. 

“Couch,” he whispered before walking away. 

You looked at the mug you had set down before following him back to the living room. 

***

“Well, I’m here aren’t I?” You said as you sat down. 

Spencer scooted closer to you before enveloping you in his embrace. He pulled you closer to him, never taking his eyes off the movie. 

“Not that I don’t love this, but is there a reason you’re acting this way?” You asked. 

“I just miss you. 6 months was way too long,” he mumbled. 

You smiled to yourself before leaning into his hug. 

You felt his breathing against you as he laid his head on your chest, his arms still wrapped around you. 

You ran your fingers through his curls repeatedly. There was something oddly calming about doing that that you couldn’t quite explain. 

***

You almost fell asleep multiple times, and so did Spencer. You were, after all, intoxicated beyond measure. 

By the time the movie finished you were both barely conscious. 

“Spence?” You asked. 

“Hmm?” He groaned. 

“You wanna go to bed?” You asked. 

His eyes opened slowly and he lifted his head to look at you. 

“Yeah, okay,” he said. 

He got off of you and rubbed his eyes for a second. You got up from the couch and turned the TV off before turning to face him. 

You stretched out both your arms and beckoned him with your fingers. He took your hands and you pulled him to his feet. 

The two of you waddled your way to the bedroom, instantly falling onto the bed in exhaustion. 

You flicked of the light next to the bed and sunk into the mattress as Spencer wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your legs were already intertwined as he nestled his head in the crook of your neck. 

He took a deep breath as you felt him exhale on your neck before you closed your eyes and fell back to sleep. 

***

A few weeks later, you woke up and turned to face Spencer only to find him missing. 

You sat up immediately, wondering where he went. 

“Spencer?” You called. 

No answer. You heard something drop in the next room. 

“Spence?” You called again. 

Still no answer. You heard the static of the TV. 

You grabbed the gun from the underside of the table next to the bed and walked out of the bedroom slowly. 

You made your way to the kitchen before finding a note. 

‘Gone for food. Be back soon. Love you.’

You sighed to yourself before hearing the lock of the apartment turn. 

You swung your arms to point the gun at the door. 

“Freeze,” you yelled. 

Spencer dropped the bags in his arms. “Don’t shoot,” he said, smiling. 

You laughed to yourself. “Sorry, I thought I heard weird noises the whole morning,” you said. 

“What kind of weird noises?” He asked as he picked up the bags and brought them to the kitchen. 

“Things dropping, static on the TV, you know, creepy stuff,” you said. 

Spencer laughed to himself. 

“What?” You asked. 

“Nothing,” he said smiling. 

“Oh, come on, what is it?”

He turned to face you, one hand leaning on the countertop. “That’s the last time we’re watching a scary movie before bed,” he said. 

You grabbed a rubber spatula from the counter and threw it at him. “Shut up,” you said, laughing. 

He caught the spatula and placed it down. He looked at you with one eyebrow raised before running to grab you by your waist. You tried to run away but he was too fast for you. 

He wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the ground, spinning you once before putting you back down. 

You turned to face him and hit his arm playfully before turning to start putting away the food. 

He grabbed your arm and spun you into a kiss, his hands cupping your face, his lips as soft as ever. 

Your eyes fluttered shut as you rested your hands on his chest. You opened your mouth, and he took his chance, his tongue gliding across your bottom lip before meeting yours. As the kiss deepened, you could feel your lip starting to bruise from the hunger he kissed you with. 

Right when you thought it was gonna leave a mark, he puled away but only just, your foreheads still pressed together. 

“Good morning to you too doctor,” you said, breathing heavily. 

He kissed your forehead before turning back to the groceries. 

You stood in place for a second, trying to recover. 

“Are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there?” He asked, smirking. 

“Well don’t knock the wind out of me next time,” you said, smiling. 

“No promises,” he said with a wink. 

***

About a month later you’d gotten back from another case. As everyone filed off of the jet, Spencer wrapped his arm around you. 

“Drinks anyone?” JJ asked. 

“Can’t. We’re going to dinner,” Spencer said before you could open your mouth. 

You turned to face him. “We are?”

“Yup. See you guys later,” he said with a wave. 

You waved goodbye to your friends as well before turning to walk towards your car. 

“So, dinner. Where are we going?” You asked. 

“Chinese,” he said. 

“Oh, I would kill for Chinese right now. Good choice,” you said. 

He smiled to himself before starting the car. 

***

When you got to the restaurant, you could tell it was a classy place. You looked down at your work clothes and sighed. 

“Spence, I am not dressed nearly as fancy as I should be for this place. At least you’re in a suit,” you said. 

“You look beautiful,” he said. You gave him a small smile, your worries about your appearance diminishing. 

As you entered the restaurant after giving the car to the valet, the hostess greeted you. 

“Welcome. Do you have a reservation?” She asked. 

“Yes, it’s under Spencer Reid,” Spencer said. 

“Ah, yes, Mr. Reid,” she said. 

“Uh, it’s doctor,” you said kindly. 

“My apologies, Doctor Reid, table for 2. Right this way,” she said, starting to walk. 

“Thank you,” you said. 

The two of you followed her to your table. 

“Enjoy,” she said. 

“Thanks,” Spencer said. 

She smiled at you two before walking away. 

“Have I ever told you I loved you?” Spencer said, referring to your doctor comment. 

“Hmm… no I don’t think so,” you said, smiling at him. “Besides, I’m surprised you didn’t say it first.”

Spencer laughed as water and menus were placed in front of the two of you. 

“Thank you,” he said to the waiter. 

You flipped open your menu, scanning the items listed. “What are you feeling?” You asked him. 

“I don’t know. Maybe Lo Mein?” He said looking at you. 

“You didn’t even look at the menu,” you said, lifting your head to meet his gaze. 

“Of course, I did. I just, you know, finished reading and memorizing it,” he said sheepishly. 

“Oh, right, I forgot I was with mister 187 eidetic memory and 20,000 words per minute,” you said smiling. 

You put your arm out on the table, still looking at the menu. Spencer took your hand in his. 

“I could go for Lo Mein, but only if we get dumplings too,” you said. 

“Deal.”

The waiter came over and Spencer gave the order to him as you ordered two glasses of red wine. 

“I can’t drink, I have to drive,” Spencer said. 

“Who said one of them was for you?” You giggled. 

Spencer smiled at you, your hands still clasped together. 

“I miss this,” you said. 

“Miss what?”

“This,” you said waving your hand around. “Just going out and spending time with you. It feels like we have a case every day now,” you said quietly. 

Spencer squeezed your hand. “Hey, I know we’ve been busier than usual lately but-,”

“I know,” you said. 

The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes. 

The waiter came back to the table holding your food and your mouth started to water.

“Here we are, enjoy,” he said before walking away. 

“Thanks,” you said. 

Spencer played with his chopsticks, lasting a full ten minutes before trading them in for a fork this time. You laughed as he stuck the chopsticks in his mouth to look like a walrus, so hard you almost choked on your wine which made him laugh too. Dinner was peaceful for the first time in what felt like forever. 

***

“Where to next?” You asked. 

“I’m not made of money, we’re going home,” Spencer laughed. 

You chuckled before getting into the car, Spencer holding the door open for you as the valet brought the car up. 

“Why thank you kind sir,” you said, giggling. 

“And this is why I don’t let you drink red wine,” he said as he buckled in. 

“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.”

“Debatable,” he said, turning to smile at you. 

“Just drive,” you said, hitting his arm playfully. 

***

When you finally got back to the apartment you threw your bag on the floor right by the door. 

“I am so tired,” you said, turning to face Spencer. 

“You can say that again,” he said. 

“I actually, physically cannot. That’s how tired I am,” you said as your wrapped your arms around his neck. 

He smiled at you before kissing you softly. 

“Go get changed, I’ll make some tea,” he said. 

You gave him another quick peck before heading to the bedroom. 

You quickly changed into a pair of Spencer’s boxers and an oversized t-shirt. Even though you had moved back in, his clothes were just more comfortable. 

You took your hair out and ran your fingers through it before heading to the kitchen. 

Spencer was finishing up the tea before bringing it to the living room.

He sat down on the couch next to you, placing the mugs down in front of you. 

You sat in silence, sipping the same tea you always dd. 

“Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?” Spencer asked. 

A smile crept across your face. “Always,” you said. 

Spencer pulled out a coin from his wallet. “See this? Regular coin okay,” he said, waving it around. 

“Oh, of course,” you said, smiling. 

He put the coin in his hand before closing it. You could’ve sworn that you blinked for a second, just one second. But when you opened your eyes, he wasn’t holding a coin anymore. 

“W-what is that? What are you doing Spencer? What is that?” You asked, panicking. 

Spencer stood up from the couch and walked around the table to face you. He stretched out his hand and you took it as he pulled you up to stand. 

“What is happening?” You breathed. 

Spencer got down on one knee and flipped open the box, a diamond ring staring you in the face. 

“Spence,” you whispered, covering your mouth, tears forming in your eyes. 

“I know this doesn’t really look like the hotel room,” he laughed nervously. 

“It’s perfect,” you said, laughing. 

He took a deep breath. “Y/N… I have spent my… entire life, waiting for someone I can be myself around. I’ve been afraid of my own mind, afraid of what people my say or think about me… but with you… I’m not afraid. Even when death stares us in the face, every day, I’m not scared because… because I know that I have you in my life. You make me… unravel in a way I can’t explain. You make my brain go fuzzy and my insides flop and I wanna feel that for the rest of my life. I want to hold your hair back when you’re sick, I want to hug you when you’re sad, I want to share your happiness, I want to tell you how proud of you I am… I just want to be with you,” Spencer said, his eyes water now too. “So… Y/N… will you marry me?”

You took a shaky breath, unable to even form the correct words. 

You just nodded your head and stuck out your left hand. 

Spencer placed the ring on your finger and stood up as you grabbed his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss. 

Tears streamed down your face as you pulled away, your foreheads still pressed together. 

You smiled, exhaling to catch your breath. 

“I have literally never loved you more,” you said. 

“Is that because I just put an expensive diamond ring on your finger?” Spencer asked, chuckling. 

“Absolutely,” you whispered before kissing him again. 

“Wait, where’s the coin?” You asked. 

Spencer reached behind your ear and pulled the coin out. “Crazy, right?” He laughed. 

You shook your head, smiling at him, your arms now wrapped around his neck. “Yeah,” you said, looking in his eyes. “Crazy.”

***

Later that night, the two of you were lying in bed when you turned to face him. 

“Spence?” You asked. 

“Hmm,” he replied, not looking up from his book. 

You sat up and brought your face closer to his. “You wanna… you know?” You asked. 

“What?” He asked, closing his book. 

“You know…” you said. 

“No, I don’t know. I’m gonna need you to say it,” he said moving closer to your face. 

You stared at him, wondering which of you would break first. 

“I know it’s supposed to be an engagement thing, but I’m kind of tired,” Spencer finally said. 

“Oh, thank god. I love you but I’m so beat,” you said, sighing. 

Spencer laughed and put his book on the table next to the bed. He got under the covers as you sunk back down to your lying position. 

“Y/N…” 

“Hmm?” You said. 

“You know my nightmare? The one from the hotel?” He asked. 

Your heartbeat quickened. “Yeah. You didn’t wanna talk about it before,” you said. 

“Yeah.” Spencer said as he started playing with the threads on the bedsheet. 

“Spence… do you wanna talk about it?” You asked. 

“Maybe,” he whispered. 

“Okay, well, whenever you want to, I’m here,” you said. 

Spencer paused for a few seconds before opening his mouth again. 

“It was about you,” he said. 

“Okay…”

“I… I had proposed to you, you know, seven months ago when I had planned to. And… I got down on one knee, and I asked you to marry me,” Spencer said, his hands shaking. 

You gently placed your hand on top of his and instantly felt him relax under your touch. 

“And when… and when you said yes, you started bleeding from your abdomen. It was like the second I asked, you were shot. And it happened the same way every time. You’d say yes, you’d be shot, and I’d hold you in my arms as you died before waking up,” he said, tears rolling down his face. 

“Every time?” You questioned. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “It didn’t stop after that night. Honestly, it didn’t stop until the night we were working those cases at the office.”

“Oh,” you said. Your heart ached for how his nightmares kept him awake, but you knew exactly what he was talking about. “Spencer… I’m right here,” you whispered. 

“I know, I know but for the longest time you weren’t and I didn’t know what to do,” he said. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I’m here now and I’m never gonna leave you again, okay? I promise,” you said. 

Spencer wrapped his arms around you, his head in the crook of your neck as you stroked his hair. 

He fell asleep like that, crying into your shoulder, and you didn’t move him. You just fell asleep the same way, holding him close and never letter go. 

***

The next day at work, you and Spencer walked in together, the same as you always did, hand in hand. 

It wasn’t until you were in the kitchen making coffee that someone noticed the rock on your finger. 

“Oh, my what in the holy god is that?” Penelope asked. “Is that what I think it is? Is it? Is it?” She yelled. 

“Yes, Pen, yes,” you said laughing. 

“Oh my god can I see it? When did this happen? How could you not tell me?” She said. 

“It just happened last night,” you said. 

“Who else knows?”

“No one, Garcia, just you,” you said. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” she said. 

“Thanks,” you told her, not believing her for a second. 

You walked back to the bullpen with two cups of coffee in your hand, placing one at Spencer’s desk. 

Spencer stood up from his desk and gave you a quick kiss to thank you before noticing Penelope behind you. 

“She knows?” He asked. 

“Little bit, yeah,” you said. 

“Well?” He said, asking Garcia. 

“I have literally never been happier for the two of you,” she squealed. 

“Never been happier for who?” Morgan asked. 

“Oh no,” you said. You turned and buried your face in Spencer’s suit. 

Spencer held you close to him with his hand on the small of your back. 

“Uh…” Garcia said. 

“Come on baby girl, you can tell me,” Morgan said. 

Garcia looked at Spencer who nodded. 

“They’re engaged!” She yelled, all too happily. 

“My man,” Morgan said, fist bumping Spencer. “Congratulations.”

You turned out of Spencer’s embrace, his hand now on your waist. You showed off your ring by placing your hand on his chest and Morgan pulled you into a quick hug. 

“What’s with all the hugging?” JJ asked. 

Derek moved out of the way for JJ to see. “Oh my gosh,” she laughed. “Congratulations you two!” She said, pulling both of you into hugs. 

“About damn time,” Emily said, walking into the bullpen. “Congrats you love birds.”

“What is all the commotion?” Rossi said, stepping out of his office. Hotch too poked his head out before following Rossi down the stairs. 

“Congratulations!” Rossi yelled, kissing both your cheeks and then Spencer’s. 

“Shouldn’t you all be working?” Hotch asked. “That being said, I’m very happy for you both.” He smiled, and you’re pretty sure it was the first time you’d ever seen that happen. 

“Thank you, thank you guys, really. It means a lot,” you said. 

“So, how did it happen?” Garcia asked excitedly. 

You turned to look up at Spencer. You saw the love in his eyes, and you smiled before you faced your team again. “Uh, well, it was… special. He just… did it in his own way. Of course, I was in pajamas and he was in a suit,” you laughed. “But it was perfect,” you said, turning to face Spencer. “You’re perfect,” you whispered to him. 

Spencer pulled you closer to his side, kissing your head. 

“Aww,” the girls squealed. Derek and Rossi looked impressed and Hotch had disappeared to take a phone call. 

“We have a case. Conference room, 5 minutes,” Hotch said, hanging up the phone. 

“Well, looks like you finished that story just in the nick of time,” Penelope said before walking away. 

As everyone dispersed, you turned to face Spencer, wrapping your arms around his neck as his wrapped around your waist.

“Are we ever gonna have a normal day around here?” You asked. 

“Nope,” he said, smiling. He pulled you in for a kiss as his hands moved up your back and yours gripped the backside of his shoulders. He pulled away and looked at you for a second. 

“Come on,” he said, pulling you along as he made his way to the conference room. 

As you all piled in, Spencer took your hand in his under the table and you smiled at him. 

“Okay…” Hotch started. 

***


End file.
